My Two Yen Worth

South of the Border and No Burritos

2007-06-30T22:40:00.000+09:00

For completeness sake here is a little about my quick stopover in South Korea after the Philippines. I really wanted to visit the North Korean border but due to time constraints things didn't work out.

However a friend who lives in Seoul was able to take the afternoon off and show me around. The things I'll remember were the random people we saw and not so much the sites.

What was funny was I kept forgetting I wasn't in Japan - Korean signs and the people's attitudes were good reminders though. The Koreans were very helpful and friendly but they were also blunt and didn't try to save face like the Japanese. The people were intriguing. In the 24 hours I was there I watched as a lady on a busy sidewalk laid on her back with her hands and feet sticking straight in the air like an overturned turtle. Another lady sat next to us at the bar at a Burger King and yelled directly at the wall for about 10 minutes. She left and then came back in to finish the fight. The wall won and she again left frustrated. And finally I got to witness a full-on geriatric fight in the subway station. It resembled what you would see in junior high with bystanders circling around to watch. I wanted to try and stop it but what can a clueless white guy do or say. A few other Koreans tried to break it up but ended up with bloody noses. After rooting for the oldest guy for a while we were ready to move on, but the fight had moved in front of the ticket machine. I waited rather impatiently until the fight finally rolled on, bought my ticket and left. Good times.

Perhaps one day doesn't give an accurate perspective of a country but it did give me some good memories.

Filipino Filipino

2007-05-29T23:33:00.000+09:00

With a couple of good Filipino friends' encouragement, the idea of traveling to the Philippines became an exciting option after finishing up in Japan. Finding I could cash in for free airline tickets using my SkyMiles with a stopover in South Korea made the Philippines trip a must. My ticket was even upgraded to Business class allowing me to finally see what actually happens behind that blue curtain. One piece of advice - if you ever choose to fly business or first class, you better be able to pay for the upgrade the rest of your life. Once you've experienced airline luxury, you can never go back.

My friend Bryant planned out a great trip while Megan and I arrived shamefully clueless.

Here's a few numbers from the trip:

2: Cameras I broke or lost (and fortunately found)

75: Percentage of the white people I saw that were male senior citizens being escorted by pretty young Filipino girls

3: Different islands (including Japan) we ran into one such retired man who'd previously hit on Megan on the plane ride over

2: Transvestites that hit on me

0: Number of balut (partially developed duck embryo eggs) I ate

50,000: Dollars I would eat balut for

5: New foods we did try: Chicken feet, ox tail, squid ink, pig ears and pig blood (tasted like pork and beans)

1,000,000: Dollars you can buy a private island for. Hmmm...anyone want to pitch in?

We started out in Manila and did very Filipino things...like paintball

Maybe it's just me, but do you see anything wrong with this?

We met up with some of Bryant's friends and flew to the island of Bohol.

Bohol is home of the world's smallest monkey, the tarsier

Also home of the Chocolate Hills

This Boholian could tear open a coconut with his teeth

Grocery shopping

These kids were more than happy to pose

Snorkeling trip

...which turned into whale and dolphin watching. We almost snorkeled with the whale but it swam off.

Sunrise - Bryant's pic, there's no way I got up that early

The Philippines have some of the best scuba diving in the world. Our instructor said he sometimes goes treasure hunting in sunken ships. Apparently you have to watch out for pirates that wait while you and your findings resurface. He said he actually escaped the pirates once in his boat.

We took a ferry to Cebu from Bohol. We went to the Philippines during Holy Week. Since Filipinos are predominantly Catholic most businesses shut down allowing our friends to come along. On Bohol Island as well as a few other places on Good Friday there are some small groups of Catholic extremists that whip themselves, wear a crown of thorns and even nail themselves to a cross. We mistakenly thought it was done in Cebu and took the ferry the day before.

Preparing for the week

On Easter Sunday the people of Cebu had a huge parade carrying statues of Mary and a Spanish looking baby Jesus

They sold balloons of Jesus and Sponge Bob Square Pants

Magellan's Cross - the Philippines is where Ferdinand Magellan, the first man to circumnavigate the globe, was killed. Makes sense from the natives' side. Magellan and the Spanish sailors claimed the Philippines for Spain - even though there were plenty of natives who called it home, sound familiar America? They decided this wasn't cool so they killed him. Spain eventually did colonize the islands causing much Spanish influence in architecture and language.

That's enough pictures. Great memories. Thanks Bryant!

Abby's Wedding

2007-05-10T23:30:00.000+09:00

It's been quite a busy few weeks since returning home. The big event being my sister's wedding. In fact, on the drive home from the airport after the long overseas flight, our first stop wasn't Taco Bell (how I imagined it would be) or a nice warm bed (how I hoped it would be) but to the tuxedo shop to get fitted (how reality dictated it to be).

Abby's wedding turned out great and I heard a few people even say it was the nicest wedding they'd been to. My sister, mom and quite a few friends invested countless hours and it really came together perfectly. I conveniently showed up just two weeks before. (Maybe you're noticing but what I'm attempting to do is describe a wedding. That's not something I do well. When people ask me how did so-and-so's wedding go, my usual response is, "He said, 'I do.' She said, 'I do.' So they did." If you want details, color schemes and all that jazz your best bet is to ask my sister or a bridesmaid.) But I can say it was rather difficult to watch my sister get married off. Without breaking out the Swiss and getting too cheesy, we've always been extremely close. I mean, I even happily wore that tuxedo all day for her. I do wish we had a little more quality time together before it all but it's all good because she is marrying an awesome guy and she's happy. I am claiming at least partial credit for their hook up. I can't take credit for the pictures though.

Last Stop: Colorado

2007-04-17T02:10:00.000+09:00

I'm home! After flying in yesterday, home has been absolutely nothing like I expected, this mainly due to its odd familiarity. Honestly I've been careful not to let myself get excited about coming back to America because I didn't want the expectations to exceed my return. I know things will be very different, but so far its been great to remember how good it is here.

My family is awesome - even after having spent so much time apart we are still able to laugh and connect like with few people I know.

I went for a run tonight and there is now a trail surrounding the lake near our house which conveniently replaces one of my favorite running spots in Mito, Lake Senba. Of the places I've been nothing really compares to the smell of the crisp Colorado evening air - and I consider myself a beach guy.

Now back with no expectations my first day has been great. Of course sleeping 15 straight hours did help - some serious jetlag and a really comfortable bed are to blame. I was a little exhausted after four days in four countries: Philippines, South Korea, Japan and now here. I'm definitely finished with those overly friendly customs line agents - at least for a little while. Can't get enough of their pearly white smiles. Hopefully the nomad days are not forever gone, but I have had complete peace with the move back and am looking forward to seeing some old familiar faces.

With that said there are plenty of stories from the move and my Philippines/South Korea trip I'll need to update you on in the future. But no more tonight - I'm not helping myself with this little Mountain Standard Time Zone issue.

Vote Sasuke

2007-03-19T20:12:00.001+09:00

2007-03-19T20:08:00.001+09:00

One reason why I love Japan: Randomness. For being one of the most formal countries in the world, Japan can also be the wackiest. The Great Sasuke has just opened up his bid for governor of Iwate prefecture. He is currently a legislator in the Iwate Prefectural Assembly.

Not so impressed? So what, America can claim Arnold Schwartzeneggar and Jesse 'The Body' Ventura as governors. Very true. But as governor do they wear masks every day to work? I just can't get over this. When I found out, I asked a teacher if he really wears the mask everyday. Very matter-of-factly she told me, "Well, he doesn't want to give away his secret identity."

Unabridged Interpretation of My Japanese Haiku

2007-03-08T17:44:00.000+09:00

It's been over two and a half years now since I moved to Japan. Moving back home, I am a little worried about habits I've picked up like bowing obsessively at the McDonald's drive-thru lady, driving on the left side of the road and my constant cravings for green tea and rice. Christmas in Hawaii was a nice pre-return trip - it gave me a little taste of America with quite a few Japanese tourists added for comfort. From previous trips abroad I've been prepped well with plenty of "re-entry culture shock" info. I'm extremely excited to catch up with my old friends and family. It's been so long. But I'm apprehensive at the same time. I know the people close in my life that I haven't seen in some time have been living their own separate lives. When I come back they'll be different. I'll be different. But we'll be expecting to see the same person from years ago. We won't have the common histories from the past few years to draw back on or laugh at. That will just take time to re-establish. I know all this...and knowing does make the transition easier, but not necessarily easy. Ok. Don't worry, I don't let myself get depressing on here.

I'm leaving a great situation in Japan. Good job. Great students. Awesome friends all in the same place in life. A great place to save money. A one-of-a-kind church with inspiring Christians. A God who's blessed every part of my experience. A great takeoff point for crazy travel destinations. A country rich in culture and history. Celebrity status. iTunes. The beach. Growth. Growth. Growth.

But it's time for a change. Honestly, I don't know if I could handle being the only native English-speaker at my school all day for another full year. It's been absolutely amazing but exhausting. Since the decision to head back, I've had complete peace and haven't questioned myself once. This seems funny because I have no long-term plans for the future. No idea. I know God's got something in store just like he had Japan in store when I was at this crossroads three years ago. If God is preparing anything like Japan it's gonna be an exciting ride!

So my current plans are as follows: Visit some friends in the Philippines once the school year is over at the end of this month. Stopover in South Korea for some kimchi. Run really really fast into North Korea and sprint back. Fly home to Colorado. Hang out with my sister before she gets hitched at the end of April. Tentatively plan to get a mindless outside summer job in Colorado. Travel around for weddings and triathlons/marathons(?). Then the job search begins in OKC or a beach town like Rio de Jinero.

"So what do you want to do with your life from here," you ask? Good question. Fireman? Buy, remodel and sell houses? Math Teacher/Coach? English teacher in Italy? Write travel books? Actually use my engineering degree? Disney on Ice? (Gotta first learn the triple lutz in a Dopey costume.) Buy a Harley and ride to Sturgis with Viper and the gang?

I'm gonna steal my friend Mark's idea. This blog is now open for suggestions from you for what I should do. Please, serious or outrageous...I'm all ears.

A Japanese Haiku

2007-02-21T23:35:00.000+09:00

Hey America
I'll see you April Fifteenth
Bye Bye Japan Sniff

Magazine Giveaway!

2007-02-08T21:27:00.000+09:00

I know I don't leave Japan until April, but due to recent tragic events I was inspired to go ahead and give my magazines away early to any AET who would like to have them. First come first serve. I've taken a picture of my collection for your convenience. Please just let me know which ones you want!

Sumo Wrestling

2007-02-01T20:57:00.000+09:00

Japan holds six pro sumo wrestling tournaments a year – three in nearby Tokyo so it would be a shame to never go. Traditional Japanese events can be hit or miss as to how exciting they will be. Festivals are usually great cultural experiences. The arts, however, such as Kabuki theater or Noh, are long, boring and have irrational plots. (I also hate museums so all you cultured folk please ignore me.) When I attended a kyogen play, the old man sitting next to me was snoring and the four grandmothers in front of me were a symphony of head-bobbers. But I do say a traditional Japanese play is something that everyone should experience once, mainly so you can better appreciate the time period that you live in. Anyway, with all that being said, I didn't know what to expect from sumo - but I was pleasantly surprised. Sumo was awesome! Watching sumo had been one of the four things I wanted to do in Japan before I knew a thing about the country – that along with climbing Mt. Fuji, seeing the A-bomb memorial in Hiroshima and becoming a ninja. Being the final check on my list, I had to go. We arrived at the stadium early. The lower ranks wrestle first and by the end of the day the real fat boys have a go. No one shows up for the welterweights so we had front row seats all morning. In the afternoon we got kicked out of "our" seats three times until we eventually ended up at the top of the nose-bleed section.
One of the big dogs...400 pounds of tempura massiveness, Miyabiyama, was a former student at my elementary school. He was Jr High and High School National Sumo Champion. After he went pro he shot up the rankings to "Ozeki", the second highest rank for a sumo and had a promising future, but then he got injured and got fatter. You'd think that's the best thing that could happen to a sumo wrestler, but he's never made it quite that high again. He was ranked in the top 8 in Japan but he lost his bout that day. (He's on one on the right). Before that day I always felt like I was too big for this country. I can't even buy shoes here. But after walking around them all day I now understand why they don't wear clothes.

Hawaii Picture Post

2007-01-29T22:08:00.000+09:00

Final post on Hawaii. I'd written out a list of cultural re-entry experiences I had coming back to America after being in Japan for so long, but I figured you'd probably rather just see pictures so...

On my solo bike ride breaking up my solo surfing days while the fam was snowed in in Colorado.

Some awesome friends had me over for a home-cooked Christmas dinner. Their family was supposed to come as well but was also snowed in in Colorado so in a way it still worked out. My family did finally make it for some good quality time.

And finally for all of my LOST freak friends. I searched far and wide and found the cast. They graciously agreed to take a picture with me (bottom left corner if it's too subtle).

Frat Brothers

2007-01-22T19:48:00.000+09:00

Unbelievable! This may have been a Seinfeld episode...not sure. As I was driving to a meeting from school today I passed a middle-aged man on a bicycle. There was something strangely familiar about him. It wasn't that I'd seen him before. He didn't look like family. He wasn't a movie star. But he WAS wearing MY Kappa Sigma Tau sweatshirt! The sweatshirt was printed for a club banquet in college a few years ago so it wasn't something he could have purchased from GAP. And I'm sure the Japanese don't have a Greek letter clothing line out - at least I've never seen it. Unfortunately I didn't believe what I saw until it was too late to stop him. I checked my apartment and sure enough my sweatshirt was no where to be found. He must have taken it from the dryer at the laundromat and I never noticed! How often do you actually get to see your stolen clothes show up like that?

CSI Hawaii Update

2007-01-06T17:02:00.000+09:00

I'm back in Japan completely unscathed in case you were wondering. Unfortunately I was not required by law to stay in the Hawaii area for any court appearances. But fortunately I also did not have to change my name and join the witness protection program. Although I have been thinking about what name I would take. What do you think of Maddawg Capone? No one would mess with me.

The first night after the body was discovered next door, I was lying in bed about midnight when I heard a bunch of noise in the neighboring room. (I can't get a night of peace in this hotel!) Some people were busy checking all the drawers in the room, cleaning the mess, chatting and laughing. I wonder if they do this on a regular basis. I really tried to hear what they were saying. It's pathetic but I even tried the old cup on the door trick as all good detectives do. But everything was too muffled. The first night two questions kept entering my head. 1. How many people have died in hotel beds I've slept in? and 2. Is there still dead body 5 feet away from me? The police and manager had made everything as low key as possible, probably to prevent hotel guests from freaking out and cancelling their stays. I really think only the people staying in our little corner and the hotel staff had a clue something happened. I assume they may have taken the body out late that night so guests wouldn't see. Anyway, as I lay in bed I kept watching to make sure no ghosts were making chairs float across the room or anything. (I watched too much Unsolved Mysteries as a kid.) I also wondered if there was a killer on the loose, but not enough to make me get out of bed and lock the door. The next two days, at which point my family finally arrived, staff were in the room completely remodeling. They put in new carpet, new beds and a new tub. That helped ease my feelings about question 1. My sister was curious and asked a maid what she knew. The maid said she knew it was a man and he was found naked on the floor with a nosebleed. (They are always found naked in hotel rooms on TV - this adds validity to those crime scene shows). In my last post I mentioned two nights prior I heard what sounded like a drug deal and the next night what sounded to be a man and woman fighting. In my mind he was either killed over drugs or he OD'd but I'm almost sure drugs were involved. Well, I guess since I gave away "Maddawg" to the masses I'm gonna have to go with a different name. Detective Conan signing off.

I Don't Make These Things Up, Kids!

2006-12-25T16:22:00.000+09:00

Merry Christmas Eve or Mele Kalikimaka from Hawaii!
So this Christmas vacation has turned out nothing like I thought it would. First of all, I was actually looking more forward to seeing my family than being in Hawaii. It's been nearly a year and a half since I've seen them all. Well, 30 minutes before leaving for the airport, I learned that they were stranded in Colorado because Denver Int'l Airport was completely shut down due to 2 feet of snow. They were rebooked to arrive the day after Christmas. So I've got 5 days to myself...which I mean, I can't really complain about - I am in Hawaii. I can't say a bad word about surfing and getting tan in paradise. Just wish the fam were here.

Anyway, listen to what just happened today. I'm telling you, I'm not making this stuff up. So the last two nights I've been hearing things from my neighboring hotel room. There is a door connecting our rooms so I can hear a lot from the other room. Two nights ago, about 1 or 2 AM I heard two men come in and talk for about 10 minutes. I couldn't hear what they were saying, but in my over-active half-asleep imagination was thinking drug deal. Definitely can't verify that. Well, last night I heard people come in late again (once again half-asleep). This time a guy and a girl. They started arguing and I heard other noises (not sure, but the overactive imagination says abuse of some kind going on over there). Honestly, I didn't really make too much of it because I really didn't know what was going on. Just thought, "Man you can hear everything through that door. Better be quieter talking to myself." Anyway, tonight I came back to the hotel room and while I was passing that room, noticed there were a ton of police and the hotel manager standing in the hallway. They saw me try to get in my room next door so they questioned me. I told them what I heard and filled out a police report. I asked what was going on and the policeman said there was a dead body in the room! What's the deal? So who knows, my stay in Hawaii may get a little longer if I get involved with a murder case. And you know, I probably shouldn't be blogging about it either.

Well on that note, have a Merry Christmas!

EBC Christmas Party

2006-12-20T23:59:00.000+09:00

While I'm stalling from packing for Christmas I thought I'd put up a quick post.
Last week we had our English Bible Class Christmas party. It was a good time including a gift exchange, games and our Christmas play.

The kids were the stars of the play but we had a good time helping with some big people parts. Costumes were a bit scarce if we didn't bring our own. I looked more like Borat than a Roman soldier but I really liked the extra facial hair. I believe it is important for a thespian to interpret his role, or make the best of what he's got. Adam is Caesar Augustus - spitting image.

This is my 84 year old friend who I've been studying English with. I love getting to learn from him as well. He's got a lot to teach, so often I am his student. His family is in charge of a historically famous kendo school across the street from church. His ancestors have trained many important samarai there. He's pretty amazing really - he doesn't own a car and rides his bicycle everywhere.

Just Following the Boss' Orders

2006-12-20T23:40:00.000+09:00

I really wish this picture came out better, but it made me laugh. This guy is washing off the street with a water hose while it is pouring rain.

Carpe Some Diem - Part II

2006-12-15T14:44:00.000+09:00

Here’s some “You’ll Never Live in Japan Again” pictures from late.

4th trip to the most magical place this side of the Pacific. Chisato and Gavin at DisneySea.

The FIBA World Basketball Championships were way back in September but I never mentioned them. We got tickets for the championship game fully expecting Team USA to meet us there. We were hoping to hang out with Carmelo Anthony after the game. They were well on their way until they surprisingly lost in the semis to Greece. So we ended up watching Spain pummel Greece in the finals. It was still a great experience.

At the Yoshida Jinja festival, some drunk Japanese guy came up to me and said, “I don’t speak English…I speak Irish.” Then he tried to kiss me. Don’t worry, he wasn't about to get any. Last year at the very same festival some drunk guy gave me a mask so I put it on and started doing my interpretation of a “traditional” festival dance, then he tried to lick my mask. I didn’t know that move. I decided this is definitely the last time I ever go to this festival even though I’ll only live in Japan once.

The Yabusame Festival is held in Kasama near Mito. It’s one of only a couple festivals held in Japan like this. Following the traditional samarai martial arts of kyudo, people decked out in samarai garb ride sprinting horses while shooting arrows at wooden targets. Wish they would have given us a chance to ride.

On Halloween night a few of us went karaoke-ing in our Halloween costumes. Since Japanese people don’t really celebrate Halloween we decided to go out on the town in full garb. I paid my bills at 7-11 (which is how we pay bills here) and we went around to a couple of restaurants and actually got some candy trick-or-treating. It was pretty funny because you could hear people lock their car doors at stop lights as we walked by.

A group of about 80 of us went to Fuji-Q Amusement Park. Seriously they have THE best roller coasters I’ve ever ridden! And a great view of Mt. Fuji (on clear days).

Don't ask me how, but I got the high score of the day on this laser gun shooting ride.

For the first time here Japanese friends ate with us Americans (and Aussies) at our Thanksgiving dinner. We had over 80 people share together. Someone mentioned it was like how the pilgrims invited the Native Americans to their feast because they had helped them survive in the new foreign land. I think it was only fitting we got to show our thankfulness to them. I made pumpkin pie for the first time. Look out Martha Stewart!

My favorite day trip sightseeing spot in Japan is a place called Nikko. I’ve been 7 times now…but what’s one more trip? They have monkeys there, but I’d never ever seen them. Until now. I’ve always wanted a pet monkey. We pulled over the side of the road because there were around 30 monkeys hanging out licking each other.

Long exposure shot: Ghosts in Nikko

Eight months of waiting and I finally got to see U2 live in concert. Originally we went in for a lottery with 12 friends. It was a going away party for everyone leaving last April. Well U2 cancelled their Japan Tour. Fortunately they put it back on for the end of November . We had to enter another lottery to be able to buy tickets and only 2 of us ended up going this time. We ate at Hard Rock before the concert and they even randomly put us in the U2 corner.

The concert was amazing! This concert just further proved why they are the greatest band ever!

Carpe Some Diem - Part I

2006-12-15T14:16:00.000+09:00

My very first week in Japan I remembering chatting with an experienced AET (english teacher) friend about our contracts and wondering how long one year would go by in Japan. I wasn’t so worried about it - I was more than ready to get going, but I mean, there wasn’t any good way out if things did go bad. He said it’ll go by so fast you won’t even realize what happened. Well, now I'm asking, "What happened?" I have now been in Japan over 2 years and 4 months. I look back and I honestly can't figure where the time went. It seems like a few months ago I had that conversation, but at the same time I feel like I've been showered with so many adventures and important life lessons from God, I don't know how it all got crammed into such a short time. It is so obvious God wanted me here for this period of my life and it makes me excited to see what He has in store next.

Now having less than 4 months left in Mito, many of us are preparing for our move back home or abroad elsewhere. I’ve been hearing a common ideology popping up everyday. Horace coined the phrase Carpe Diem which in English is typically tranlsated Seize the Day. Among the Mito AETs it's better translated You Only Live in Japan Once. While I have no way of knowing if living in Japan will be a one time thing for me, I’ve found that this philosophy does directly translate to ton$$$ of fun. So after going to Tokyo DisneyLand for the 4th time, because, hey, when am I ever gonna get a chance to do that again, I have fallen trap to this luxurious way of life. I believe I’ve always Carpe'd some Diem, as old friend Rusty likes to say, but I used to choose cheaper Diem. Everyday I am now faced with daunting questions like, “Denver, when will you ever be able to eat a Subway sandwich in Japan on a beautiful Fall Saturday again?" (Closest Subway being 2 hours away.) So I eagerly throw down $60 for a day trip to eat at a sandwich shop I’ll be sick of a year from now. (Although I must say, it does taste that much better though when you have to work so hard to get one.) But that’s what my motto encourages me to do because, hey, I’ll only live in Japan once…perhaps.

Thank You, Come Again!

2006-11-05T00:17:00.000+09:00

Tonight I ate potatoes for dinner from my local gas station. Yes, I got a sack of potatoes for getting my oil changed there. I love Japan!

Turtles Don't Make Good Ninjas

2006-10-30T17:54:00.000+09:00

Halloween isn’t really celebrated in Japan. The Japanese are always interested in American culture so they like to learn about it. They sell Japanese-style Halloween candy at the store and even decorate but don’t really have parties and definitely don’t go trick-or-treating. But in school they like for us natives to share our culture. Today I went over to my pre-school for a little party dressed up as a ninja turtle. The kids ate it up. Things started off well. First I handed them all candy as we practiced trick-or-treating. But afterward a dark cloud turned and things so horrible happened my mind blocked some of this from my memory, so I'll tell you what I've got. Following our trick-or-treating, the teachers wanted us to just play. The teachers were busy doing other things while I just got completely torn to shreds.

Today I discovered that if I were to become a real ninja, being a turtle could possibly be the worst handicap ever. This wasn’t the first time IT has happened but it was the first time IT happened while I was in a completely restrictive costume with 4 webbed fingers (I know, turtles don’t have webbed fingers, but I converted the costume from some Japanese monster). Those little kids gang kancho-ed me. Let me refresh you on what a kancho is. The Japanese Webster defines a kancho as the act of an impish child clasping his hands together with his index fingers protruding out in the form of a handgun while then proceeding to use those fingers as a rectal probe in a violent jolting motion. And when you have 20 small kids all trying to get a piece of the action they just probe wherever they possibly can. By the end of the gang-kancho, I found myself lying on the ground in the fetal position protecting all my importants. They had stripped me of my belt, my arm bands, my knee pads, my pride and had ripped a hole in my neck and were sticking their hands down my back. Fortunately my mask went untouched and my secret identity was kept intact. But my head hung low as I walked out a defeated ninja turtle today.

Pro Soccer - Japanese Style

2006-10-18T00:25:00.000+09:00

Last Saturday our friend Chisato's dad bought some of us pro soccer tickets. He's a big wig at the bank so we scored pretty well. We got the bank's VIP parking next to the stadium and seats in the crazy fans section. In Japan if you are not sitting in the crazy fans section you might as well take a nap. People look at you funny if you do so much as clap and disturb their peaceful viewing of the game. But if you get in the crazy fans section you're good to go. Chisato's dad also had a friend there who got to the game 6 hours early and saved us seats on the 6th row. We felt kinda lame walking in at game time. The best thing about the day wasn't really the game. The Kashima Antlers lost 0-4 (they're usually one of the better teams in Japan). The best thing about it was the wild and crazy fans' Japanese-ness. We stood up and yelled the whole time doing Hail-Hitler-type hand gesture cheers for 2 hours. The crowd started throwing toilet paper and confetti they had cut out of their comic books. It was amazing. They looked uninhibited and wild. I couldn't believe that the Japanese had actually thrown so much litter all over. But then the game ended. I looked around and all of a sudden everyone got out plastic garbage bags. We then as a huge group cleaned up our mess. No one left the crazy fans section until it was all finished. Making the game more of a surreal experience the players had to come and bow to the angry mob. They bowed their heads in utter shame toward us having been defeated so badly. Surprisingly the Japanese crowd booed them like we were in New York or something. Then people started throwing all the confetti they had just picked up back at them in disgust. The shamed players walked away as the fans once again picked up the confetti.

Vietnam

2006-09-30T22:09:00.000+09:00

One Vietnam story and then on to pictures. In Vietnam and Cambodia, many people must do anything they can to feed their families. Being a developing country, there aren't so many jobs looking for people. Many must create their own jobs - the two most popular being motorbike taxis and street merchants, smartly utilizing the wealth of their tourists. As a rich foreigner (if you're a Westerner, comparatively, you're rich, no matter what you earn) it really is good to go with a little extra money budgeted simply to help boost their economy. Really, if you are bargaining hard to save 10 cents on a pair of pants, STOP! They really could make good use of that dime. But with that said, the sheer numbers of them vs. you require you to choose carefully who you buy from and help, otherwise you will go broke.

Kids though make the best salesmen. It's extremely hard to reject a cute, smooth-talking 8-year old. Especially one who is starving, can't afford school and has learned English on the streets as a way of survival better than any of my students have in the classroom. One little girl in Ho Chi Minh followed our group attempting to sell us gum. We had all decided to pass by her, working through the power of her puppy dog face. She smooth-talked her way into our group and selected our friend Port to be the subject of her business deals for about 2 full blocks. She even kept trying to hold his hand the whole way. Port stuck it out and kept rejecting the offer. Let's take note that I had no part in this whole conversation. I was walking but didn't want to get involved in this one. (I put a lot of kids back in school on this trip!) Well, all of a sudden out of nowhere, this cute little angel who had been schmoozing on Port for nearly 5 minutes realized we really weren't going to buy. The skies clouded over and wind overcame the streets. She then turned to the dark side. She immediately let go of Port's hand, turned around and punched me in the stomach! She literally punched me! I had had no part in the whole affair. I never told her no. Yet she chose to punch me - I guess if you know Port you know he just can't be punched. As she ran off I stood there in disbelief....so as I was saying, choose wisely who you buy from or you could pay for it.

We got off the plane and headed straight for the ocean. Our resort was not real Vietnam, but when you're that close to the beach in the tropics you must always take advantage.

The interesting thing about the beach was that it was flooded with clothing that had washed ashore - everything from jeans to pajamas to underwear. This guy was out cleaning up the shore.

I don't think this was normal. At first I wondered if it could have been clothes that had drifted to shore from the tsunami a year and a half ago. But there's no way - I believe maybe a ship capsized.

The waves were huge and the beach was beautiful otherwise. We were the only people who ever swam in the ocean - makes me wonder what the natives knew that we didn't.

More Vietnam Pictures

2006-09-30T22:01:00.000+09:00

We took a long jeep ride, constantly stopping for goat-herders and cows (a frequent occurrence in Vietnam and Cambodia).
Our destination was some random sand dunes. Each of us got a special tour guide. This was definitely the most fun part of our trip. My guide, Dao, showed me a good time sledding down the dunes and carrying my sled back up the mountain.
He was definitely the boss. He's 15. Seriously, every kid we asked looked half their age.

When I got tired of sledding we just goofed around for a while.
They ended up making quite a bit of money from us (their parents too). They earned it though - by far the best guides on our trip. We also bought them some cokes. We were out in the middle of nowhere but while we were all relaxing enjoying our bevs, kids just kept popping up from behind every random tree wanting a drink too - so as was the theme of our trip, we obliged.

I Can't Stop! Even More Vietnam Pictures

2006-09-30T22:00:00.000+09:00

We took a 5 hour van ride back to Ho Chi Minh (formerly Saigon). On the way our driver was playing Kenny G's Christmas Special. It's August mind you and we do love our Christmas music but the amount it's overplayed during the holiday season does take all year to recover from. So some from our group were getting a little testy. We asked what CDs he had and found a good one. But about 10 minutes later, as 2 of the 7 of us fell asleep, he took that CD right out and put his Kenny G's "It's a Blazing Hot Christmas" back in for the next 4 hours. I found it a little funnier than everyone else.

I wish I had a better picture. Complete families ride their little motorcycles all over town. We saw many with 5, even 6 people, on one bike - including babies.
The French controlled Vietnam for many years and thus a heavy Roman Catholic influence. This is the Ho Chi Minh Notre Dame Cathedral.
Inside included many Vegas-style neon statues.
This room in the Saigon National Palace was where the Vietnam War officially ended. The peace signs seem fitting but really we were just being dorks from Japan who feel compelled to raise the two fingers in all pictures.
A ritual where birds are freed to gain merit at the Phuoc Hai Tu pagoda and temple.

Drug Overdose

2006-09-16T01:17:00.000+09:00

Before I finish blogging about my trip I have to write about my visit to the doctor last week. I'll finish the trip soon!

Every morning at school last week I kept getting headaches. I'd had maybe 15 headaches in my life before moving to Japan, but the air pressure must be different here because I've had around 100 ever since. So after I kept getting headaches my teachers were adamant about me seeing a doctor. For a while I'd also had a slightly congested cough and some occasional sinus problems causing stuffiness in my head. Nothing painful, just slightly annoying. For me not enough of a reason to go see a doctor. But after the headaches and enough friendly suggestions, I finally decided to go. I mentioned the cough along with the headaches to the doctor. Expecting some aspirin and possibly a pill for my cough here is what the doctor prescribed for me daily:

That's 26 pills per day! 2 antibiotics, 6 bufferins, 6 for my stuffy head, 9 for my cough and 3 anti-inflammatories. I gave myself a second opinion and prescribed 1/3 of that for me. It was still plenty and I feel great now but I could run a small pharmacy with the extra drugs I have laying around*.

*The author does not condone illegal selling of pharmaceuticals.

Malaysia

2006-09-09T00:09:00.000+09:00

Summer keeps me busy. Finally Malaysia! I'll get Vietnam and Cambodia up soon - as well as the World Basketball Championship Game.

The view from our hotel room – the same Petronas Towers that were robbed by Catherine Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery in “Entrapment”.

This was my second time to visit Malaysia, first time to Kuala Lumpur. Last year I was able to see some of the eastern side of mainland Malaysia as we traveled off the coast to its islands. I'm proud to be American but the American stigma right now is putting a bit of a damper on world travel. Last year at times we felt like we had to be extra careful about what we said and even how we use our mannerisms. You can spot an American from a British, Australian or European rather easily. But you can always pass as a Canadian. That's why as an American traveler the smartest thing you could do is play the Canada card. Iron a Canadian flag patch on your backpack. They all do that. The patch tells people, “I’m too nice for you to hurt me”. Here’s a conversation I had a one time on an Australian bus with a Yugoslavian-Aussie who’d fought in the Baltic war in the early 90s.

Yugo-Aussie: “Hello. Where are you from?”
Me: “America.”
Yugo-Aussie: “I hate Americans.”
Me: “Well…thanks.”
My friend: “I’m not American. I’m Canadian.”
Yugo-Aussie (with a big smile on his face): “Now you, I like!”

The patch saves lives. But for some reason I’ve never been a user. Malaysia is 70% Islamic and while 99% of Muslims are peace-loving and great people, those isolated extremists out there worry me a bit. Last year while we were coming back from our island on a small boat, we sat by two Muslim ladies who spoke very little English, “Where from?” My friend Travis, not wanting to say we were from America looked at them smiling and replied, “Japan!” Which was true. They looked at each other and then at us in utter disgust as if to say, “If you’re going to lie, don't insult me by saying Japan, whitey!” About 5 minutes later, Peter, who’d been inside due to serious sunburn issues came and joined us, sitting between us and the ladies. They looked at him and said, “Where from?” Peter smiled and replied, “Japan!” The puzzled looks on their faces may have made my trip.
This year we had a convenient layover in Kuala Lumpur on our way to Vietnam and Cambodia so we extended for a couple of days. Kuala Lumpur is a rather liberal and international city so I did feel pretty safe most of the time. However while walking around the central market in downtown I needed to use the restroom. I paid about a dime to go, and when I hand over money to use the restroom, no matter how little it is, I really would like to take advantage. Well, a very large bearded Malaysian dude I’ll call “Brutus” came in and stood at the neighboring urinal to me. For two very long minutes he stared at my face from 8 inches away. It wasn’t a “Hey, how are ya big boy?” kinda stare. It was more of the standard “I’m going to smash your face in with a shovel” look. It probably goes without saying, but performance anxiety set in and I couldn’t go. I was disappointed because I wasted that dime. But more freaked out than anything because when I finally left he followed me. He waited as I washed my hands and followed me outside. I kept walking until I got to a crowd of people watching a few street musicians. He also stopped and pretended to watch the show while I backed up. I spotted a couple of friends who walked away with me. As soon as we tried to disappear, Brutus left the show and slowly walked away staring me down the whole time. I don’t remember another time I've ever been creeped out like that. There's really no great ending to that story, but I guess for that I'm grateful, so thanks for indulging.

I'm obsessed with monkeys. Japan has monkeys supposedly, but I've had no luck seeing any. We visited the Batu Caves near Kuala Lumpur and there were so many monkeys eating bananas and peanuts. They get feisty if you want the food they stole from you back.

The entrance to the Batu Caves is following a trek up 272 famed stairs. Every year in February the Thaipusam Festival is held here. You may have seen this on National Geographic where many extreme Hindus pierce themselves before journeying up the religious stairway. I got this picture on the right off the internet of a pierced man participating in the festival. Since we were there in August we didn't get to witness any of the craziness.

In the Caves

That's Chisato if you couldn't tell under her disguise.

Look in "My Pictures" under "New Stuff!" for more.

The Khmer Rouge Genocide

2006-08-28T01:39:00.000+09:00

(Two Warnings: First, this is a depressing post. Second, I won't be too graphic, but I do want to express some atrocities faced by the Cambodian people since the 1970’s.)

Before my interest in Cambodia, my only knowledge of the place was that if you walk off the path a landmine may earn you the nickname Stumpy. Oh, and that you could shoot a rocket launcher at a cow for $100. (Really, who does that?) That’s really all I'd heard. I didn’t know why there are landmines everywhere. There are quite a few major catastrophes that happen around the world we hear nothing about. Many are well publicized but many times reporters focus on select stories. There are many countries facing similar struggles Cambodia endured; it would be good to educate ourselves so that we can learn from our mistakes. So I’m writing a short history, from the info I gathered, on the Khmer Rouge.

The term “Khmer” means Cambodian. The Khmer Rouge was founded by Pol Pot who was a follower of Marxism in the 60’s and dreamed of a communistic utopian society. He spent some time with the hill tribes of northeast Cambodia who lived completely on their own and had no need for money. He was very influential and eventually rose to much power in the government all the while gaining a large following of guerilla rebels. From 1975-79 the Khmer Rouge inflicted a genocide that killed an estimated two million of the seven million Cambodians living at the time. The warped idea was that if Cambodia returned to a completely agrarian society of peasant farmers, life in Cambodia would become peaceful and pleasant. Many people were captured and tortured at places like S-21 (Security Office 21) , an old high school converted into a prison. They would interrogate the prisoners by torturing them. They would whip them with electrical cords and were not allowed to cry out. They had to ask for permission just to move positions while sleeping. Captives’ hands were bound behind their backs with a rope while lifting them off the ground with a pulley system that often dislocated their shoulders. Some were bound and dipped into buckets of rising water until they couldn’t breathe anymore and then were immediately dipped into animal excrement while gasping for air. Thousands were killed at S-21 with less than a dozen making it out alive. Anyone with a high school education, anyone living in the city, religious people, foreigners, families, women, babies, pretty much anybody was slaughtered who was thought to be a threat to the regime. The Vietnamese armies came into Cambodia in 1979 and attacked the regime forcing them into hiding in the jungle. The country had been destroyed. The cities were ghost towns. All families had been separated and sent away from their homes.

As soon as Vietnam defeated the regime, the government allowed a first-come-first-serve system for housing. A family’s old house was no longer theirs. Like the Oklahoma Land Run (Boomer Sooner), they staked claim on whatever house they could find and paid the government $10.

The Khmer Rouge still had quite a lot of power and continued murdering people until the early 90’s. That’s when America came in and forced the government to change its human rights policies. The people had been ravaged, torn from their families, stripped of all their belongings and freedoms. Due to the poverty money became the most important priority. The government keeps the money that goes through them intended for the people. Gov't officials can take anyone's land if it becomes valuable and give the owner a tiny sum of money in return. If rejected the former owner will go to prison (and a decade ago, might have faced death).

But anybody with money can do whatever he wants. If a person murders somebody, $20,000 may be a good enough bribe to gain innocence from the government. Someone poor receives the blame and is tried. I saw many billboards demoting the child sex industry, a serious problem. They had the Cambodian government seal below right next to the American Human Rights seal. Again bribes point the finger the other way and the Cambodian government won’t say a word. One taxi driver, whose parents had both been murdered by the Khmer Rouge as well as his wife’s, said Japanese men are known for coming to Cambodia for that very purpose. $1000 for a kid and if they get caught, a bribe will cause the officials' heads to look away. So many foreigners come to Cambodia to take advantage of the lawlessness. The common people are so poor that they will sacrifice about anything (pride, morals, decency) to make some money for the family. Much of today’s Cambodian government doesn’t like America, but every single person I met smiled and said they loved Americans. In fact, they went to extreme lengths to tell me how much they loved America. They called it heaven. And wondered why Americans don’t feel like it is heaven. Cambodians dream of marrying a Khmer American who can take them to America where they can make tons of money in America to send to their families. A person who returns with little money is a disgrace to the family.

Almost every Cambodian had family killed during the genocide. The hardest part for Cambodians is the lack of justice. The government is corrupt and easily influenced by anyone with money and up until now, the Khmer Rouge has never been tried. Pol Pot was given what the people consider a “show trial” and sentenced to a lifetime of house arrest. But this was in 1996 and he died the next year of old age. The UN is just now starting to form a court but the people feel it’s too late. Most of the leaders are dead or nearly dead. The second in command died less than 2 months ago. The history is still a mystery to the people and the “whys” were never answered. In Cambodian schools very little is taught about it. Kids know it happened and not much more. The museums are worried about the important documents and historical buildings that are decaying but they have no money to restore any of it.

Cambodia is one of the poorest countries in the world, but the pendulum is finally on the upswing for the country. The country is now safer and tourism is taking off with the world’s largest and most fascinating temple, Angkor Wat. There are still only a few paved roads in the country and 85% of the people live in rural areas, but everyday advances are being made toward development. I loved the Cambodian people. They may struggle to make $1 a day, but most have huge smiles on their faces. They’re tough and resilient. They care for their families. Even though there are few jobs available, they make jobs for themselves. Cambodians are trying to teach their young. Kids struggle to make $5 a month to go to school by working everyday selling handmade jewelry. Because most of the educated people were executed, the people have to start from ground-zero in education and all skills. Chinese and Koreans are actually in charge of the Angkor Wat restoration projects because Cambodians just don't have the education or skill. But through their resiliency they're ambitiously rising to the challenge. I'm excited to see a new Cambodia in 10 years.

Southeast Asia

2006-08-28T00:13:00.000+09:00

First of all I want to say I'm really excited because I'm going to the FIBA Basketball World Championship Finals next week! Let's hope Carmelo Anthony and USA keep rollin'.

I have been thoroughly enjoying my summer and have not had time to update about my trip. I've been back on Japanese soil for a while now after traveling around Malaysia, Vietnam and Cambodia. I first returned to Japan in a state of stoicism and a bit of despair due to seeing first-hand what the genocidal nightmare and after-effects that Cambodians dealt with for decades. I met many Cambodians happy to share their views and thoughts on life. (Quality of life is improving for them, although they are actually considered 4th world.) My worldview is continually being shaped through different life experiences. This trip, especially my time in Cambodia, will have a lasting effect on me. My entries may get a little sappy and cheesy (sorry), but my heart was moved by them. I'll put up picture updates from everywhere a bit later but my mind has just been on the Cambodian people. The events of the trip that will stick with me the most though involve the people we met. Pictures will come soon.

From Cambodia

2006-08-11T22:46:00.000+09:00

I'm still in Cambodia spending the last night (aside from an overnight flight from Kuala Lumpur to Tokyo) in an internet cafe. I really don't want to write too much because I can't post pictures yet but this has been an educational, adventurous, hectic and heartbreaking trip. After 2 weeks I'm actually spent and just about ready to head home. I have a lot to write about these places later but I do want to rub in the fact that I just spent the last three days on the beach in bungalows that cost absolutely nothing. We ditched our reservations with one hotel and agreed with our motorbike taxi driver that he take us to "The Cool Banana". The Australian owner had just opened this place up and wanted some travelers to test out the rooms in exchange for some constructive criticism on what needs to be improved upon. He paid the moto-taxi drivers $2 for everyone they brought. So they were happy to recommend it to us. After spending way more money than planned in this 3rd world country, it was a welcome invite. Although all the extra money I did spend here went into hands that needed it way more than I did. If you ever get the chance to visit Cambodia, take it, along with an open heart. If hear of a way to support the people of Cambodia take advantage of it. Look at me...I'm turning into Manjolina Jolie.

Snack Time!

2006-07-28T22:47:00.000+09:00

On July 31st Japan and I will be celebrating our second anniversary together. We are really enjoying our time together and are excited about the start of year three. I can't believe how time has flown here. I actually experienced my first bit of Japanese nostalgia the other day. When you start getting that feeling you know you've been somewhere a while. As I was driving through rice fields near my old apartment, I got hit with some nostalgia. Every Saturday morning some good friends and I would train for our marathon through those fields. Those times may grow to be my favorite memories when I leave this place.
This nostalgia reminded me of a time when my friend and I had just come to Japan. We had only been here a couple of weeks and could barely speak a lick of Japanese. We decided to explore my area of town for a hole-in-the-wall restaurant. Foreign hole-in-the-wall restaurants guarantee you one of two things - 1. Amazing authentic food or 2. An awkward cultural experience you'll probably laugh about later. This one fit under the category 2. We found what looked to be the perfect udon shop but mistakenly entered the little run-down shop right next door. We looked inside and saw it was a tiny bar with a couple of tables to the side on tatami mats (meaning you sit on the floor, Japanese style). All right, just what we were wanting! Traditional Japanese. So we sat down at a floor table and our waitress came over and sat down next to us. We noticed she was rather skankily dressed and definitely not Japanese but probably Philipino. First she apologized that her English was not good and tried her hardest to chat with us. We tried our hardest to convey our desire for a menu. She kept expressing how she thought American men were so handsome and wonderful and beautiful and manly, etc... We were like, "That's awesome, but what's your udon special?" She got a little nervous and left. Following her, another "seductively dressed" (I use the term very loosely) Philipino waitress came by and also apologized about her poor English (she did have bad English). I'm sure she told us many extremely flattering things about ourselves as well. But after extensive hand gesturing she figured out we were just there to eat, and nothing more. They only had one meal to offer and it was not udon, since that was the shop next door. From the looks of it we were the first people to actually order food there in days. We took a closer look around and observed. Every lady that was sitting down at the bar was a waitress and was hitting on some drunk guy. I'll just say they were very friendly waitresses. At that point we realized we were in what is called a "sunaku baru" (Snack Bar). We had heard about these places before. A snack bar is a place for lonely or unhappily married Japanese men to get drunk and enjoy some company with the ladies. And for tips the waitresses will give them plenty of attention. These shops turned out to be all over my area of town. Many foreign Asian women move here and make a killing running these joints. We got our food and awkwardly ate up realizing that they were either thinking we were confused naiive foreigners or just playing hard to get. We did enjoy the show when a drunk guy and his waitress for the night sang a beautifully slurred karaoke duet. But while we were finishing up our meal, the head waitress came over for one last crack at determining whether we really were confused naiive foreigners or playing hard to get. I just know this lady was one of my student's grandmas. Awkward. There was not an attractive bone in her body. But she came over and in her "seductive" voice began flirting with us probably telling us how she loved getting to know her grandson's sexy friends. Then it got really weird. She started rubbing her hands all over our legs! "Uhhh...Check please!!!" We had to get out of there before the salmon we had just eaten didn't come back up. We did get out mostly unscathed aside from a little mental trauma a few counseling sessions cured. But we also ended up with a phone number one of the waitresses slipped us. Almost 2 years and I still haven't called.
Tomorrow I'm going with some friends to Malaysia, Vietnam and Cambodia. I'm really excited about this trip - especially Cambodia. We'll be gone for over 2 weeks but I'll post pictures when I get back. Later!

Unsolved Mysteries

2006-07-05T18:50:00.000+09:00

Last Saturday a couple of friends and I were driving to the local mall. The mall is a little out of town and you must drive past some country area. As we were driving I noticed a man dragging what seemed to be a dead body out of a little “country” store to the sidewalk in front. This struck us as rather odd so we pulled a “U-ey” (sp?) to see if we could help out. We were also just really curious. At first as we drove nearer to the body I thought it was one of those wood-carved statues country stores usually place outside to welcome customers. But as we got closer we saw him move. As we got even closer we saw that his face was caked in blood. The front of his shirt was also covered in blood. He had been placed over a large sewer grate on the sidewalk so he could drain. He was still alive and lying on his side with his head propped up leaning on his arm. We got out to see if there was anything we could do. A man on the phone stepped out of the store calling we think the bleeding guy’s wife who arrived before we left.
My friend asked him in Japanese,
“Can we help?”
“Are you a nurse?”
“Well…no.”
“Then there’s nothing you can do.”
“What happened to him?”
“He fell.”

I don't believe he really fell...or got hit by a car (he was being dragged out of the store, not from the street). Why would he lie? The creepy kicker for me was that from where we were standing talking to the guy on the phone I could see his back. It looked fine except for a bloody circular stain an inch in diameter on his upper back. Hmmm…I never watch CSI but my amateur investigative evaluation is that the m@fi@ (spelled this way so my blog doesn't come up when googled) had either shot or stabbed him. Yes the m@fi@. The Japanese people I've talked to seem to come to the same conclusion. This isn't my first experience with them - there was my old neighbor. Most of the major crime in Japan involves them, but take them away and Japan is one of the safest countries in the world, so there's no reason to worry if you are thinking of visiting Japan.

CSI watchers: If you can draw any other possible conclusions from my description, comment because I can’t imagine what else could have happened. Also, how do you spell "pull a U-ey"?

Gotta Love Japanese TV

2006-06-25T01:34:00.000+09:00

Japanese TV is in a class by itself. Punk'd - Japanese style.

If it's not working click here.

From the Hood to the Penthouse

2006-06-23T01:11:00.000+09:00

Finally. Welcome to the Penthouse. I live in the best real estate this 5-story apartment complex offers. Living on the 5th floor gives me a good stair workout everyday when I'm leaving or coming home (that's really a plus, not sarcasm). We have an elevator too, but it's dangerous. The door was engineered by the same people who created the OSHA-denied falling trap door on Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark that nearly crushed Indy's arm when he reached back in to grab his hat. My apartment is the top corner of the complex and the apartments to my left and beneath me are also AET's apartments so I can be as loud as necessary without having to bother any Japanese people. My view is great too and I can see the sunset over the mountains (when it's not rainy season). Most other places in Mito prevent this due to the tight claustrophobic nature of this typical Japanese city.

Here's my front door. You'll notice I've got a little intercom. I'm really excited about having my own intercom system - it's a great way to let someone know that I'm home 0.6 seconds faster than opening the front door.

Here is my ginkan (shoe area) and part of my "kitchen". You must take your shoes off here. The relatively cabinet on the left has the intended purpose of holding all of your shoes.

I don't have enough shoes to fill it up, but I do have a few dishes and an unusually tiny kitchen so I must use my space efficiently. I've learned though that in more ideal situations the odors of tennis shoes and dishes are not a good mix.

My whole kitchen. Can you spot my fridge? Look closely. Look closer. I compare cooking in here to doing one of those plastic square party favor games; the one where you unscramble 8 square pieces into a picture while only working with one empty space. But it is possible to cook for a group (if you can do those party favor games).

Most Japanese homes have a "bathroom" and a separate "restroom". My toilet in the "restroom" has a heated seat which will be nice for the cold winter. You can have it waiting in the morning at the exact temperature your frozen toosh prefers. Japanese toilets also have a great water saving function by adding a little faucet where you can wash your hands following the flush. (Please note: the water coming through the faucet is clean and will later be used in the bowl. This is not the water you just contaminated.)

My "Slash Room" (a.k.a. living room/bedroom/dining room/den/library)

From the other side of my slash room.

From my balcony: There is an ofuro (public bath house) right next door! Don't knock it till you try it. It really doesn't get much more relaxing than this.

One more thing - Watch out world! America is taking the World Cup 2010. And that'll probably be the next time I watch a full soccer game on TV. (I know, typical American.)

...And "Slurpees" are Now Called "Flavored Sugary Ice Thingies that You Drink"

2006-06-14T22:52:00.000+09:00

Recognize this global icon? The clever marketing behind the name 7-11 has made this chain recognizable all around the world. And it is even bigger in Japan than it ever was in America. (Even though they don't sell Slurpees here.)

Recently the Japanese 7-11 branch decided they wanted to change the name. I say why fix something that ain't broke?

It just doesn't have the same ring to it: "Oh Thank Heaven! Seven and I-Holdings!!!"

It's already June!

2006-06-10T18:15:00.000+09:00

I know we're nearly half way though 2006, but I recently posted my favorite pictures of last year on my Smugmug website. Check it out!

Goodbye Hood

2006-06-01T00:07:00.000+09:00

Mom asked a while ago to see pictures of my new apartment. But that'll have to wait until next time. First I want to post pictures of where I moved out of. My old apartment, affectionately known as "The Hood", did have nice perks like the fresh air breeze coming through the holes in the wall and the outdoor washing machine. Why waste precious space putting your utilities inside the apartment? This was especially nice during the freezing winter months. (Second picture) Every Japanese house or apartment has a "ginkan" where you must take your shoes off before entering. (You can see my old purple rainsuit hanging up - oh how I miss those rainy days on the scooter.)

This was my office/bathroom. The office was a great place for study and meditation. Yes, this video cam was in my bathroom. No, I'm not a pervert - it was just a $5 security cam decoy toy that gave me a good laugh. It even had a blinking light. My new apartment is too nice to drill holes into the wall. There were pros and cons to the move. This is a con.

I had a western style toilet which made it easier to spend time in the office than if I had a squatty potty. The water to my shower is heated by a natural gas flame so I never ran out of hot water. In the winter, it was the best place to go to get warm.

For my "ghetto apartment" I had a pretty good sized kitchen with a full size fridge, cabinets and everything I needed. This was my only sink, so I also used it to get ready in the morning. But winter time was not fun. I could see my breath in the morning. The fridge was often warmer than the rest of the kitchen.

My couch folded out into a bed, which was how I left it 99% of the time. The tatami (type of grass) floor gave the apartment a distinct smell. New tatami smells like a gerbil cage. Fortunately mine was really old so the smell wasn't so strong.

Even though I make fun of it, it was home. I felt comfortable there and enjoyed the area I lived at. But my new place is starting to feel quite comfy.

The Dullest Blog

2006-05-21T00:58:00.000+09:00

A lot of people choose to keep a blog as a personal diary of their day - which is great if you’re not telling the world what time you brushed your teeth at and if you decided to go denim instead of khaki but then changed your mind because your yellow polka-dot shirt was dirty due to last night's dinner that included spaghetti and meat sauce which tasted like Ragu instead of Prego even though it was Prego. The Dullest Blog Ever is one of my favorite blogs: this blogger really tells it like it happens. The other day I would go ahead and write a personal diary and keep track of the events of an ordinary school day as it happens.

This morning I woke up, showered and put on a button up shirt, nice black dress pants, black socks and my New Balance tennis shoes. This is totally okay because people do that here anyway and there’s really no one you feel the need to impress (until you actually walk by another foreigner, in which case you may be kind of embarrassed until you see him decked out in an Armani and Nike’s).

Every once in a while in the morning, when I’m tired and needing something comforting and “American”, I stop by the nearest vending machine for a Dr. Pepper. Dr. Pepper can only be found in vending machines in this country. But fortunately, if you miss one vending machine, you can catch the next one 10 feet down the road. There are actually random places on the side of the road in the middle of Mito that you can pull off at and choose from 20 vending machines. I'm not exaggerating. I believe they passed a law requiring that there not be a stretch of road farther than 30 feet without a vending machine. I took a sip of DP and realized it’s never as good as I imagine it. Had that Dr. Pepper taste in my mouth all morning. I can just brush at lunch because that’s what's done here which is a great practice. I just make sure to use my American toothpaste with fluoride, but that’s another topic.

I got to school, changed my outside tennis shoes into my inside tennis shoes. Hankoed in. That means I signed in for the day in the official Hanko book using my official Hanko stamp with my official engraved Japanese name. My name by the way is pronounced “Denbaa” in Japanese and means “electric horse”. I’d like think of my name as being strong and mighty but the word “carousel” keeps coming to mind.
I brought some old Valentine’s Day candy hearts with the little love phrases on them that my mom had sent me and hadn’t eaten yet. I thought I’d give the teachers a cultural experience since I get them everyday. They had the same reaction as I do to seaweed. They hated it but told me in a very Japanese way, “Aaaahhh, interesting! Very…interesting!” while you can just see them cringing to hold the tears back. Note: Most Japanese people also hate Twizzlers and Root Beer. A teacher I am better friends with was more blunt and told me they tasted like “shippo”. I had to ask her to repeat herself. A shippo is one of those Icy Hot type heating wraps you put on injuries or aching muscles. I really don’t know why she’s been eating shippo.

I went to class and taught ordinal numbers (first, second, third…) to the 5th graders. They are practicing saying when their birthday is. We always play a game to reinforce the lesson at the end of class. I taught them the game Unlucky 7’s. Each kid can say 1,2,or 3 numbers, “1st, 2nd, 3rd” and the next kid continues on doing the same. If you are forced to say “7th”or a multiple of 7 you are out. That’s for those English teachers out there looking for new games to use.

I had a class canceled because they were having a sports test. I helped out as the “Ready Set Go” Guy for the 50 meter dash. Random fact: In Japan you raise the flag instead of drop it when you say go. That way you can see the flag – I don't know, that’s just what I was told.

For lunch we had potato soup! One of my favorites! Had our daily conversation about how I still don’t like seaweed and squid. But I did have a new first – Green Tea Spinach Mousse – I told my teacher who earlier said my candy tasted like shippo, that Greet Tea Spinach Mousse tasted like soap. Don’t ask me why I know what soap tastes like. Brushed my teeth and got the Dr Pepper/soap taste out of my mouth.

At recess I taught a bunch of 2nd graders the football game 500 which I totally dominated.

After recess is cleaning time. Japanese schools don't hire janitors, they use child slave labor and it works rather well. Except for the bathrooms. I always dread teaching the classes anywhere near a bathroom. Today I helped the 3rd graders clean their classroom. They (and me) are easily distracted and before I knew it I had 6 kids hanging from my arms. We finished cleaning but they wanted to feel my biceps cause I'd been lifting them up. But then they wanted to feel my stomach, then my behind, then my..."Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" Time to go! I just don't understand their fascination with my body parts. They ask me dirty questions that any answer I give could be grounds for firing so I act like I have no idea what they are saying.

I waited on the kids to come for 5th period. Learned the word, "Kenshin" which apparently means "ear/eye/stomach tests". So I guess no class.

We had our first English club time of the year. Only 9 kids from the entire school are in it. Hey I'd be in the soccer club too.

That's my school day.

Livin' Like a Celebrity

2006-05-10T22:34:00.000+09:00

Many Mito AETs enjoyed some good air time footage yesterday on national Japanese TV. The national news did about a 7 minute story on our English teacher program. NHK (like NBC) camera crews have been following and will continue to follow a new AET around as she gets accustomed to teaching at her school, and I'm sure she will be a Japanese celeb by the end of this year. They filmed like the second class she'd ever taught in Japan and she did a great job even with cameras in her face. They also filmed a couple of our AET meetings so a bunch of us were fortunate enough to make some quality cameo appearances. (Can non-famous people say they made cameo appearances? I say if you are white and you live in Japan you are celeb enough to have cameo cred, but that really only holds true in Japan.)

The 5 AETs at "The Penthouse" (my new name for our 5-story apartment complex which is a bit nicer than "The Hood") gathered together to watch the news. Guess who happened to knock on the door while we were waiting. Our good friend and my personal choice for Customer Serviceman of the Year, the Gas Man, coming to collect rent. We invited him in and he took a quick break from work to join the party. He had to leave right after our segment due to the fact he probably had to show quite a few more homeowners how to properly work their faucets.

In Japan you do often get celebrity treatment. I don't know how many students' notebooks, folders, pencil cases, arms, etc. that I have autographed. They'll even sneak in line multiple times to get as much random paraphernalia signed as possible. Younger kids love to rub your arm hair or even your regular hair because it is different than theirs. They think you are cool because you wear an American size 12 shoe and are a whopping 6 feet tall.

In grocery stores the heads of kids, parents, grandparents and even the heads of fish the chefs didn't bother chopping off gawk at you. People with 7.2 megapixel camera phones (which all the socially acceptable Japanese own) try so hard to act like they are c-mailing, but it's funny how the phones tend to move along with you as you walk.

I think my funniest instance of this strange celebrity status we hold was when a friend and I were running in the park one Saturday morning. We ran past a little kid's birthday party when one of the kids saw us. He must have been about 4. He got up and started running towards us pointing and screaming, "Gaijin! Gaijin!" (which is kind of a derogatory term for foreigner, think "gringo"). If I'm remembering correctly some of the other kids also got up and started running and screaming at us too. I felt like we were in another Godzilla remake except we were Godzilla and we were running from the civilians.

I know if you've ever been a foreigner living in Japan you've got celebrity stories so feel free to comment and share.

Golden Week

2006-05-06T23:47:00.000+09:00

It's Golden Week in Japan which is one of the 3 major holiday periods celebrated here. Basically that means from last Wednesday through the weekend most of the 125 million Japanese are traveling around this tiny island paying ridiculously jacked up holiday prices and spending their time-off in ridiculously bad traffic jams. That being said I decided to travel to some places nearby that I hadn't been to yet.

Wednesday a couple of us visited Kamakura (south of Tokyo), which is the old capital of Japan around the 12th century. Here is one of the two largest Buddhas in Japan.

I've experienced packed trains before - but never like this. Grabbing a handle was unnecessary because when the train would stop there was no room to budge. I know I crushed a few old Japanese ladies and one girl I was so close to for 15 minutes I feel wrong not even getting her name.

Due to the holiday prices, hotels were just too expensive. No really, these cute kids were having fun on their Golden Week.

Thursday I showed a couple of new AETs around Tokyo and this is the best picture I got. What I'd consider white trash in America is set proudly on display in Harajuku, probably the hippest area of Japan.

On Friday a bunch of us went hiking in Iwaki, a beautiful area in the mountains a couple hours north of Mito. Derek and I also got in our first swim of the spring. Cold as Colorado rivers but definitely refreshing.

What Goes Down Must Come Up

2006-04-22T23:03:00.000+09:00

Kari - I'm updating for you!

The past 4 months here has been a string of nonstop busy-ness and I think my recent moves to a new apartment and school were the straws that finally broke my body's back. Last Wednesday I got to school and my stomach started telling me all about it. I tried to tell my stomach to knock it off but he was too busy moving around like the Tasmanian Devil to hear a thing I said. I asked one of my favorite teachers if there was any way I could get some stomach medicine, but as I discussed in the previous entry, he went to greater lengths than I'd anticipated to help me out and was very concerned about my well-being. He took me down to the nurse's room and had me lie down in bed. He even took over my classes. I'd just asked for some medicine, but it actually was exactly what I'd been needing because I was really facing exhaustion. Later that day I tried to eat but our menu included fishpaste, seaweed salad and seaweed in my usually trustworthy rice. Seaweed and fishpaste are two things the American in me will never allow me to digest - especially with an upset stomach. I decided to attempt teaching class but nearly passed out, the only thing keeping me alert was the fact I was about to throw up. I was teaching my first lesson ever with this class and the students were probably thinking "Oh great, we got this freak for a year?!? This dude's eyes are rolling in the back of his head and he's shaking all over the place. My mama told me to run away from people like him."

My teachers told me to go home and if it didn't get better see a doctor. It didn't get better. The next day I could barely get out of bed. I had enough energy to stumble frantically to the bathroom. In the afternoon an awesome friend called and told me they could take me to the doctor. After a drive that seemed like the plane ride to Japan we finally got to the hospital. But unfortunately we came to find out most doctors in Japan take Thursday afternoons off. They have 24-hour veterinarian services, but if you're a human you'd better choose wisely when to get sick. Fortunately, customer service and care took over and the hospital's pharmacists (who apparently work Thursday afternoons) called hospitals, drew maps, etc, for my friend to a special place called "The Clinic from Heaven: Open till 7:00 on Thursdays".

The doc said I had a stomach virus and fever of 103.5 degrees. The nurse put me on an IV for 2 hours and I had the chills the whole time. I kept asking the nurse for extra blankets. I felt bad so I quit asking after 5. While the nurse was pulling the IV needle out of my arm I warned my friend, who I am extremely indebted too, that I was gonna hurl. My friend held a bag out for me as I...(use imagination). The nurse, who I would think sees this everyday, was totally grossed out. What a great friend I have! I do really hate how indebted I am.

I know this was so gut-wrenching and moving, well at least my stomach was, but I'll end on a mushy note. The good thing about this is seeing again how many great people I have around me. I ate about a hearty meal's worth in 3 days (I think I lost about 10 lbs), but my fridge is loaded with food friends brought over. I'm exhausted from all the calls I've gotten and knocks on my door. Those are really nice problems to have. Thanks everyone!

Customer Service

2006-04-10T00:52:00.000+09:00

I just moved into a new apartment so now I’m really busy finding new corners to put my junk in and getting everything set up. A couple of days ago I needed to get the gas turned on. I’d been taking showers at my neighbor’s apartment for a couple of days so I figured I should hurry up and get it set up. The gas man came over and he was extremely terrified, partially because I was white and partially because he was so ashamed of his English. He had apparently been extremely nervous ever since he’d received the phone call saying he had a gaijin (foreigner) set up today.

I believe that when Japanese waitresses or other customer service people see a herd of gaijin coming, they play “Paper, Rocks, Scissors” to see who must help them. (“Paper, Rocks, Scissors” solves all problems in Japan. I bet the prime minister even resolves important national issues in this manner.) When one loses then they are indebted to you. But they will do all that is in their power to give you the best customer service in the world. I’m serious – they will go out of their way to ensure your complete and utter satisfaction. They will take the blame for everything too and treat you like royalty. I’ve never tried this, but I imagine if you were to buy some apples, eat all of them, and then return all the apple cores saying you weren’t satisfied, they would ask you for forgiveness at least 10 times, bow twice as many times and then re-supply you with apples and some extra bananas as a courtesy gift. They may even invite you over for tea so they can apologize and bow some more. The customer service is really quite amazing here.
Sometimes the service can be too good. If you ask a random Japanese person on the street for directions, they will most likely drop their busy schedule, call everyone listed on their phone until they learn the correct way. If you’re lucky they may even hail a cab and personally take you there. So I often don’t like to ask so as not to get them fired.

Back to the story. The gas man was extremely nervous. He kept wiping his brow and fidgeting. But once he got the gas turned on he showed me how to work EVERYTHING. The fact that my Japanese probably sounds like a kindergartener probably makes me look like a helpless moron. At one point, the gas man actually led me to my sink and I had the most surreal moment. I’ve got two faucet knobs – hot and cold. He turned on the hot one and put his hand in and told me to feel. “Hot! Hot!” he said. Then he turned the cold knob. “Cold! Cold!” He motioned and waited until I felt the cold water. Then he turned on the hot again and said, “Try again. Too hot!! Too hot!! Feel! Ow!” Yeah, it was too hot. “Aha!” he said raising his finger and showing me that there was a solution to this frustrating problem. Like a magician, he turned the hot knob just a little and then the cold knob just a little to make the water a comfortable warm. He made me feel again. “Yes, warm water. Thank you!” I was flabbergasted! Amazing. He wiped his brow and let out a sigh of relief. Finished! He made it! Even though I felt like a moron, I guess I’d take overdone customer service over bad service any day.
Now I’ve only got one more problem. How do I turn my faucet off?

The Surreal Life: Japan

2006-04-05T18:25:00.000+09:00

I really think a hit reality TV show would be “The Surreal Life: Japan” starring the foreign English teachers of Mito. It would make excellent TV. Actually people would probably just turn the channel and say, “This is ridiculous. When is Reality TV going to start being reality? Where do they come up with this junk?”
Here’s a clip I’m envisioning for one of the shows. Tell me if this is TV worthy. The show starts with an English teacher teaching a class. We’ll call him Mr. Bob. Mr. Bob has the students playing a game where they go around asking each other questions in English. With memorized English phrases engrained into their brain they start. “Hello. How are you?” “I’mfinethankyouandyou?” “What fruit do you like?” “I like apple.” “Do you eat lice?” “Yes, I do. I eat lice everyday for runch.”

As Mr. Bob is helping a student excel in his English ability, another boy sneaks up behind him and clasps his hands together with his pointer fingers sticking out in the form of a gun. He then proceeds to shove his fingers up Mr. Bob’s derrière in a jackhammer-like motion. The violated Mr. Bob turns around and “kindly” tells him to stop, among other things. The student doesn’t understand a word he said but gets the point (kind of). We’ll call this little game the “kancho” because that’s its official name anyway. If it weren’t for the PG rating of the show, other forms of the kancho wouldn’t have to be edited out.

Lacey demonstrates the proper kancho form

As the day goes on, a 6th grade student and Mr. Bob are arm wrestling right before lunchtime. Mr. Bob lets the student come close to winning but he must prevail to save his honor (and whatever pride he has left having just been violated). After the match ends, Mr. Bob sits down at a desk to wait for his meal as it is being served. While he’s waiting, the boy, bitter he lost, sneaks up behind Mr. Bob and sticks the palm of his hand right in front of Mr. Bob’s nose for him to smell. It smells like this kid has been kancho-ing people all morning long. Mr. Bob freaks out and asks the student, “What was that?!?!?!” in Japanese. The student grows a big smile on his face and makes the hand gesture that Mr. Bob was afraid of. The student takes his hand and swipes it up his own backside like he’s out of toilet paper. Mr. Bob realizes he has just arm wrestled the kid and washes his hands and face, twice. He then comes back to his seat and there is natto (refer to previous post) sitting on his lunchtray. Mr. Bob gives the natto to a student and then washes his hands again, twice.

Reality TV at its finest.

Top Ten Exotic Japanese Foods

2006-03-29T15:59:00.000+09:00

This week I've been busy moving into a new apartment (still here in Mito) but thanks to My Two Yen Worth I have a great way to procrastinate.

Also this week many of my good friends here in Mito are moving back home. Some Japanese friends of Marianne and Greg wanted to throw Greg a going away party since he's returning to America. They treated us to a ridiculously expensive meal ("ridiculously expensive" meals aren't shocking me as much anymore). We had a lot of new exotic food firsts that night. So in honor of these delicious delicacies I'm giving you my Top Ten List of Exotic Foods I've either willingly eaten or have been forced down my throat since living in Japan.

10. Sashimi (sushi)

Not bad, I've actually learned to enjoy it somewhat. The worst sushi is salmon egg sushi which is bitter with a texture similar to biting a paint ball, while my favorite is tobiuo (flying fish sushi). It's light and sweet almost so much so you only taste the rice.
7/10 stars

9. Whale (Kujima)

Yeah, I thought it was illegal too until they plopped it on my lunch tray at school. A little fatty, but edible if you can keep your mind off of Shamu.
6.5/10 stars

8. Natto

Each major Japanese city seems to have a special food they are famous for. Unfortunately these slimy rotten soybeans are Mito's claim to fame. But to be fair, natto smells as good as it looks.
0.5/10 stars (0.5 for making me popular with the students that I give mine to)

7. Sea Urchin (Uni)

You only eat the "meat" inside so it's not pokey. One of those acquired tastes that just ain't worth acquiring. On the TV show "Lost" Hurley wasn't hungry enough to eat it until weeks in.
1.5/10 stars

6. Eel Heart Soup (Unagi no Kokoro)

I couldn't find any good pictures of eel heart soup. This picture is just eel which is pretty tasty. My old host family from years back took me to an eel restaurant and gave me this soup. They wouldn't tell me what was floating in it until I finished. Thinking it was a large mushroom I ate up. When they told me, I realized that what I thought was the mushroom stem was actually the aorta.
7/10 stars

5. Squid (Ikameshi)

Another lunchtime favorite. I've eaten a lot of things, but this was the hardest thing to ever stick down my throat. I only got one bite down, but the journey was great entertainment for the kids.
No need to even rate this one.

4. A whole fish

A little different than the picture but just imagine a 5 inch long, 1 inch tall beauty, complete with head, mouth, tail, skin, bones and full of eggs.

2/10 stars

3. Anko

This cutie is the trench-dwelling fish with the head light that tried to eat Marlin and Dory in "Finding Nemo".

2/10 stars

2. Blowfish (Fugu)

The famed fugu must be prepared by a licensed chef because if he doesn't take out the poison sac properly one of these beasts has enough poison to kill 30 adults. If they are prepared just right it makes your lips tingle. Very tasty and tingly!

8/10 stars

1. Raw Horse Meat (Basashi)

It seemed pretty wrong but tasted pretty good.
7/10 stars

If I scared you away from ever visiting me in Japan, just know that most Japanese food actually is delicous! And if you still don't think so after trying, there's a MickeyD's or KFC on almost every corner.

Hool's Marathon

2006-03-14T18:12:00.000+09:00

The English word “marathon” has almost the same pronunciation in Japanese - “marason”. But in Japanese it simply means a race. So if you say, “I’m going to run a marathon this weekend,” to a Japanese person they will immediately reply, “How far?” To which you must reply, “42 kilometers”. “Ohhhh…a full marathon!” Every Japanese person also seems to know the English word “fool”. But since there is no real "Fu" sound it's more like "Hu". So I have heard many jokes, “You are running Hool’s Marason”.

As I posted previously, last year we were able to run the “Hool’s Marathon” in Okinawa. That was probably the most grueling 5 ½ hours of my life. This year a few of us trained to beat Oprah's time. We decided that we couldn’t let Oprah trash us again. She may have a billion dollars, but she can’t have bragging rights too.

We signed up for a marathon in Osaka. There were 2 marathons going on that day in Osaka. A huge international one that was on national TV and then a dinky ghetto city one that required you running around a sports park 15 times for the whole 26 miles. We missed the deadline for the int'l one and had no choice but to try the ghetto marathon.

Let me tell you about this "ghetto-thon". There were about 400 runners. (I’m sure the int’l one had around 10,000). The four of us made up 80% of the whitey participants. There was also a Dutch guy that ran about half way and quit. Because of us they may call it the "Osaka City International Marathon" next year. Well, they didn’t block the track from pedestrians or bikers. On the first lap a guy was trying to bike through all 400 of us and ringing his bell at us as if we were in his way. It was more like a 26 mile obstacle course. I don’t know how many kids on bikes I almost ran into. At one point I nearly got hit by a foul ball from a baseball game. It was all pretty funny.

As far as the race goes, I felt great compared to last year. My knees hadn’t been giving me too much trouble. I did feel like an old geezer with all my protective gear on.

Originally, my goal was to beat Oprah at 4:29. But I did have a more ambitious goal of 4:10. As I began running I was feeling good enough to try for under 4 hours. Now that’s not all that impressive. I’m not that great of a runner. But I’d run a 5:30 last year so for me I would be slicing off a huge chunk of time. Well I ran at a sub-4 pace for the first 11 laps. Then I hit “the wall”. The 20 mile marker is notorious for being like a brick wall to runners. For the next 6 miles you question why you are such a "hool" for entering this ridiculous race. I went from running 16 minute laps to 20 minutes on laps 12-14, but when I got to the final lap a huge surge of energy came over me because I knew I was close. I realized I could still reach my 4:10 goal if I could gut out another 16 minute lap . I finished at 4:10:06. But if you count when I actually crossed the starting line I was under.

The funny thing about this race was that you had to count your own laps. I think there were a few counters at the lap line but I felt like it was on our honor. Yes, I do know for a fact that I did all 15 laps.

Everyone did awesome and finished. I'm happy to say that not only did I beat Oprah but I left P. Diddy in the dust as well. This may be sad, but next year I want to trash Will Ferrell’s time. Who knew he could run?

Oprah - 4:29
P.Diddy - 4:16
Me - 4:10
Will Ferrell - 3:56

Hitting the Slopes - Japanese Style

2006-02-18T22:41:00.000+09:00

My vice principal invited me to go skiing/snowboarding last Saturday with her family. A few days before in the teacher's room she'd asked me what shoe size I wear. I told her 30 cm. That's American size 12 - not so huge is it? But in Japan I am Sasquatch. When I said that I wore a 30, all the teachers busted out in utter shock followed by an onslaught of jokes and shoe size comparisons. Well, because of my Abominable Snowman-sized feet my VP actually had to call the ski resort and see if they rented out boots that big. Nope. What in the world? How can a ski resort rental shop not have size 12 boots? I don't care how small the Japanese feet are!

They did find a resort that had 30s - which is the funniest reason I've ever heard of for choosing which place to ski at. At the rental shop I said I was a "size 30" and got the normal "Whoa!" reaction (in Japanese). Then they dusted off my never-been-worn-before boots from way in the back. They had to get their biggest snowboard and change the bindings to fit my boots. So for the trouble they knocked $5 off my rental fee. I'm cool with that.

They skied and I snowboarded together all day and had a great time. But this is what's cool about going skiing in Japan. After skiing we all went to the onsen. An onsen is basically a hot spring community bath full with naked men. Well, women go too but are all on the girl's side (except for some old granny maids that start cleaning your shower mirror while you're busy scrubbing down). It is a Japanese tradition to go to the onsen after skiing to clean up and warm up. Actually it is a Japanese tradition to go to an onsen after any occasion they can possibly think of. Onsens may sound a little weird but don't knock it until you try it. You'll understand. I've never felt so relaxed, warm and clean coming home after a long day of snowboarding.

On the way home we stopped at a soba noodle shop for dinner. In Japan it is polite to slurp your noodles as loud as you can. The louder you slurp the better you are saying it tastes. If you eat quietly and "refined" you are being totally rude. And by no means should you cut your noodles into bite-sized pieces. How cool is that? I'm a noodle slurping fiend and finally no one has a problem with it! My VP even told me, "When in Rome do as the Romans." I agree. To make it even better you get to drink the leftover soup straight from the bowl to finish it off. Also a favorite manner I have obtained since being here. Sorry mom, my table manners are shot!

Beat Oprah

2006-02-04T16:04:00.000+09:00

For the last 3 months I've been training for the Osaka Marathon with my friends Peter, John (Andrew and James backed out - they aren't the running type), and Janet. Our race is March 5th. Last year Peter, my other friend Greg and I flew south to Okinawa to run our first marathon. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. Not just the race itself, but the training, the camaraderie, the spiritual growth gained on our long runs and the completion of a longtime dream.

This year has been a little different. We now know we can complete it (barring injury or sickness). 26.2 miles does not seem unattainable. Last year we just wanted to cross the finish line. This year we want a decent time. My body was not built to be a runner. I'm not going for any record time, I just want to beat Oprah.

That's our theme this year - BEAT OPRAH. In her running phase she ran a 4:29:20 in the NYC Marathon. We were thinking about making matching nasty yellow or green shirts that display our theme loud and proud - that's what Japanese people do - maybe even oversized mesh hats.

I'm being a little more ambitious and am trying for a 4:10:00 time. Next week we finish with our longest training run of 20 miles. Then we'll keep in shape with some mild running, let our bodies heal and pray we don't trip down the stairs at school or catch the mumps (that's been going around here in the foreigner group).

I'll try to keep you posted.

A New Love Affair

2006-01-10T23:01:00.000+09:00

Everyone dreams of finding their true love at first sight. I, personally, have found three. Is that ok in non-Old Testament times? I don't know if they were just exotic short-term romances or the real deal. But these loves don't discriminate against each other so I won't either.
Well, let me tell you what burns my candle, what runs my clocks, what I consider the premium high-octane real-deal. I have a list. Yes, I've got a list...you know you've made them before so shut your trap.

Here she goes:
1. Must be full of adventure, spontaneous and always ready to show a good time
2. Must be warm, friendly and out-going; no let me change that to HOT, friendly and out-going
3. Must be naturally beautiful without too much exterior work done
4. Must be full of culture, but I totally dig the ones that are kinda sketchy
5. Elephants or hobbits are a definite plus

I know that was probably all on your list too. You say, "How original, blah blah." But this is my blog, so without further adieu, here they are in order of our meeting, Venezuela, New Zealand and my newest love affair...Thailand. Yes it's true. I'm in love with all three of these countries. I would recommend any of these exotic countries for your next vacation if you dig the same qualities I do. While I won't go into detail about Venezuela and NZ on this post, I am posting a few pictures of our Christmas vacation trip to Thailand and Taiwan. I fell in love with Thailand the moment we stepped out of the airport. Taiwan's cool if you're into shopping and all.

Beware!!! Massive picture overload below!!! More pictures here.

Bangkok - Me and Peter at the Golden Palace (not sure why the call it that)

Being tourists

Peter, Jessica and I at Ayutthaya - here the king ruled Siam (pre-Thailand) from (very circa) ~~~1300~1700A.D.

(Random fact: The original Siamese twins are from Siam).

Me and the girls (which was always the case if Peter wasn't around. 6 girls 2 guys. Whether you say, "Alright!" to that or "Oh man, sorry!" we had an excellent time together and there was no bloodshed.)

These tree roots grew around the Buddha head. We were not allowed to take a picture with our heads above the Buddhas. There were 4 guards on duty to enforce this.

At another wat in Ayutthaya. A lady was placing bananas in hundreds of these idols' hands - some sort of offering.

Spider-Man catching our dinner at a riverfront restaurant.

Probably what he caught

Oh the Thai massages were great! Make sure you ask for a Thai Massage.
I was told not to be adventurous on this one. Good advice. Here's Cheech getting a petticure. Thanks Jessica for the picture.

We didn't get any Thai massages from this place

Quite possibly the best movie theater in the world. Between the previews and the movie we were required to stand up in honor of the king as they played a special song and tribute to him.

Marianne and I at Wat Arun in Bangkok

Transportation is always one of the best parts of traveling - this trip was no different. Planes, trains, subways, taxis, cars, ferries, boats, elephants, etc...Some of my faves: Here we were in the back of a pickup about to fall out. We also rented some 100cc 2-person bikes. A few of us took a joy ride around the steep hills of Koh Chang. Lacey rode with me and at one point a hill was so steep that "the bike that couldn't" started rolling backwards down the hill while in low gear. Then even the break wouldn't stop it. The many near-death experiences on the tuk-tuks (motorized rickshaws) were some of my favorite memories. I'm just glad I still have memories.

We trekked in the jungle on elephants. Marianne got tired of me quoting the Chinese boy from Indiana Jones. "Docta Jones! Docta Jones!" Our elephant was an angry male named Rambo who was ready for his last ride of the day to be over. A couple times we thought he was about to freak out on us and take off.

Our New Year's Day snorkelling/boat trip with a bunch of hungover shipmates manning the vessel

Our island of Koh Chang was surrounded by beautiful emerald green water. This was one of our stops on our island hopping snorkelling trip. We anchored here to eat our freshly chopped octopus curry which wasn't so bad.

The girls lit this Thai lantern on New Year's Eve...a Thai tradition. The fire lifts the lantern into the air like a hot-air balloon until it disappears. Supposedly the whole lantern will eventually burn completely up.

And here is Taiwan:

The Taipei 101 - currently the world's largest building (with the world's fastest elevator).

Having a minor spat. Can't we all just get along?

You know us guys, always primping whenever we find the mirror.

I spent way too much time on this entry. This may be my last blog for a while. I've got some other priorities to deal with. Blog to ya later.

Neighborhood Watch (Vol. I)

2005-12-21T23:46:00.000+09:00

I just learned that the safety lock on my front door doesn't fit in the slot. Tonight's the first night I've really felt the need to try it out. I have just been an eye-witness to 2 crimes in the past 3 weeks. Call me a scaredy cat, but I live in the HOOD. Please refer back to the stories about the drunk guy upstairs who backed into my apartment and the one where he finally decided not to throwdown with Greg and me after a solid hour of peacemaking. I may tell you the other crime story if I have time later.

Let me start out by saying that Japan is a very safe country. And minus the Japanese m_fi_ (fill in both blanks with the first letter of the word "assault"), I would dare to say one of the safest in the world. But "the m_fi_" is a huge problem in Japan. So I will refer to them this way so as not to pop up on any possible google searches I care not to be associated with. Japanese people usually look both ways and still lean in to whisper their name, so I feel I should be careful in a public setting like this.

Lately Greg and I have been hearing crazy noises outside. Our buddy has been worrying us a bit. He's obviously into some bad stuff. He's always bringing home new cars. We've seen him drunk driving and he has backed into my apartment at least 3 times. (The first time I thought the big earthquake Japan has been waiting for had finally hit. The other 2 times were just minor bumps.) He has two of our five parking spaces in front, which we really appreciate because we have to park across a field. But he also has been double parking different cars at the apartment complex next door as well. Well, three nights ago he had a station wagon parked out front. I was asleep but I was half-awakened to a loud crash. Greg asked me about it the next day and realizing it wasn't a dream I told him I heard it too. I remembered waiting for his car to hit my apartment again. We checked the next day and there was a nasty dent in his car grill. The fender was pretty beat up. We looked around the area behind our apartment and saw no damage to our stuff. So we shrugged it off, but Greg and I decided we should play detective and keep a running track on this dude.

So here's the crazy part. Tonight, after I got home from church I was sitting in my room when I heard a minivan pull up, a bunch of guys get out, and then a bunch of guys busting out our buddy's new car window. This was a different car than the station wagon that they had apparently vandalized the other night. I went to my dark bathroom and quietly opened my window. I played spy for a while, but didn't see too much because they could have easily seen me if I was staring. I really don't wanna have to answer to the godfather. I mean, they know where I live and everything. From what I perceived, the van backed up and a messenger went up and informed our buddy. Then the messenger ran back and the van drove off. A minute later our buddy got out and looked at his damaged car. He called somebody on his cell and drove off in his other car chasing them. I, being that idiot who's always looking for a good blog story, got out there and took a picture real quick. I wanted a better one but our buddy was already coming back so I hurried inside.

You can see the window they busted out. And they did a pretty good number on his door. I don't have a picture of the station wagon. Sorry.

Hopefully I'll have time to write Vol. II. I also want to update you on what's been going on in my life over the last couple of months. It has been a busy eventful time. If I don't have a chance to write again, Have a Merry Christmas! Tomorrow is my last day of school! I'm headed to Thailand and Taiwan for a tropical Christmas!!!

It's Cold Isn't It?

2005-12-18T00:00:00.000+09:00

“Samui desu ne?” It’s cold isn’t it? This is THE official opener to every conversation throughout Japan during the months of November to March. It is socially expected to mouth these words everytime you pass someone, even if you’ve said it 4 times to the guy already that day. I wonder what people here would talk about in the winter if buildings were insulated better and had central heating.

This summer the prime minister of Japan issued a “Cool Biz” campaign to save energy. This meant that employees at companies could shed their coats and ties and wear “cooler” clothes while all businesses in Japan were asked to turn the air conditioners to higher temperatures. Well this winter he issued “Warm Biz”. You can guess what that means. Eskimo like working conditions. In Mito the temperature is relatively mild year round. It doesn’t get as cold as Oklahoma or Colorado in the winter, but I have never felt so much like a freezing Pilgrim enduring his first few winters in the New World. This year I have a car and don’t have to ride my scooter in the nasty winter chill again. That is such a blessing. I really shouldn’t complain because many AETs are enduring the winter on scooters. I still find myself complaining and thinking about how cold it is everywhere I go. My car is now the warmest place I can retreat to and I often sit in there for a while before entering my apartment. While in my apartment, I toggle my “high energy - low heat” oil heater and my carbon-monoxide emitting kerosene heater to keep the apartment breaker from blowing, and it is still a struggle to keep warm. I don’t heat my kitchen at night and it is 45 degrees in the morning.

The reason I’m writing this is I want to show you what happened at my school today. We're currently in a temporary building while some renovation is going on on the school building. This temporary building has even less insulation than the typical schools. Well, I got to school this morning and was about to go to the bathroom when my teachers said I couldn't use it. The teachers had let the bathroom faucet drip overnight to keep the pipes from freezing. This is how cold it is INSIDE school. The toilets were also completely frozen and would have made some nice skating rinks.

The Japanese sign says "Icicle".

The Benefactor Champion

2005-11-21T23:38:00.000+09:00

It is finally time!!! I know many of you have been anxiously awaiting the announcement of the first Purple Rainsuit Blogoff winner. I'm sure you've experienced the same anxiety that you have every year when you daily check your mail awaiting the arrival of that "You may have already won!" envelope from the Publisher's Clearing House.

After careful thought and painstaking consideration of each contestant's argument as to why they should be the wearer of the PURPLE RAINSUIT, I have chosen the heir. I truly appreciate each of your entries and interest in carrying out this tradition. There were great reasons why I should pass on the rainsuit to each of you. I even considered following the wisdom of Solomon and threatening to cut it in half to see whose heart was truly with the suit.

Now let's review the apprentices. (Please refer to the comment box in the previous entry.) Josh, Peter, Jessica, "Don't be a loser and buy some affiliate checks" spammer, Joy and Lily. A tough choice. Josh, I've known you for a very long time and I know that you would take great care of the suit. You would wear it with pride. I've seen you wearing pastels before and yet you were not ashamed. Remember Brady's pink spandex blouse in South Dakota? I have a pic if it isn't coming to mind. Peter, you were there through thick and thin. You experienced the purple revelation right there with me. You have all the history with the suit and that story still makes me laugh. Jessica, you gave 3 great reasons why it should belong to you. I agree, the suit would totally look better on you than the guys (that may actually be a minus for you). I do want you to be warm and dry this winter as I know Edmond gets nasty cold. Plus you wearing a matching suit and bike in ritzy Edmond would be pretty awesome. Nice argument. Annoying Spammer, I'm not gonna be a loser if I don't get affiliate checks and what does that have to do with anything I said??? Joy, I am so happy you are reading my blog! I really hate bribing people to read my blog, but I do know it is necessary. Lily, yes, I had a purple rainsuit. I really can't see you doing anything with this rainsuit but burning it in your fireplace. I won't hold that against you. Kari, I commented to everyone else, so I thought I should tell you I'm updating for you.

And now the winner's ceremony reenactment...

This first picture was taken from the original ceremony!

Congratulations Peter!!! If for no other reason, Peter won by sheer location. The rules state a person living in the city of Mito was highly more likely to win the coveted prize due to postal expenses. However, I also really loved your argument and deem you worthy to carry on the lavender tradition. Thank you to all who entered and I hope you try again during the next blog-off!!!

Passing on the torch

2005-10-13T22:43:00.000+09:00

I am selling my scooter. Yes, it's a sad time. But that's what life is about. You must take the good with the bad. This changes many things in my life. No more breaking snotlogs off my nose when I get home from school in the winter, or fall, or spring or early summer. No more getting drenched from puddle splashes by cars whizzing by. And NO MORE NEED FOR MY PURPLE RAINSUIT. Yes, it's true. My time with the rainsuit is nearing its end. The purple rainsuit has carried a personal spot in my heart for over a year now. It has saved me from many a day of mud-covered work clothes.

But...THE PURPLE RAINSUIT must live on!!! It must not be desecrated. It must be held up with honor and dignity. It must be worn proudly. Therefore, I'm holding my first BLOG-off. A BLOG-off simply requires you, the reader, to give me the best reason for why, I, the benefactor, should let you carry on the lavender tradition. Anyone can enter, for the BLOG-off is not a respecter of persons. However, people that happen to live in Mito where no postal charge is required will be highly more likely to take home the prize. Don't miss out on a prize you'll be telling your children about, possibly even passing on to them.

Bumper Boats

2005-10-11T23:01:00.000+09:00

I think it's high time I start looking for a new public swimming pool. My sister, being her first time to the pool, helped me see the light as I was slowly swirling down the pool's drain of not-goodness. Since she also likes swimming I took her to the pool last week to do some laps. She walked out of the girls' locker room and then toward the pool, and EVERYBODY and their dog stopped their backstrokes to blatantly stare at her, like it was a contest to see who could be the most rude, as she walked to the pool. A lady on a speakerphone made an announcement to make way for the white girl. A chiropractor came in to fix swimmers' necks who suffered severe whiplash from the event. The lifeguard even blew his whistle for a 2 minute break so that everyone could sit back and watch the gaijin show (okay, okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a tad, but just a tad). She got in and said, "I kinda felt like they were watching me." I said, "Ya think???"
Anyways, here's the top 10 reasons I'm looking for a new pool:

10. The fact that when Abby got in the water she just started laughing and said, "This is definitely going in my journal!"
9. Last week, there were 29 people (an average night) doing laps in our 6 lane sardine can.

8. Only 2 lanes are actually for swimming - the other 4 are for "water walking".
7. Those 2 swimming lanes are set up like a race track so you must swim under the
floating divider to the other lane each time. Then you must sometimes wait in line to go.
6. Some do not wait their turn and actually try to swim UNDERNEATH you.
5. Lane Rage - This occurs when the person in front of you is still
fine-tuning the technique of not drowning, while the person behind you is paddling emphatically at your feet just to remind you of how slow the guy in front of you is.
4. Speedos
3. The pool's only OPEN HOURS: Sat, Sun - 1:00-3:45; Tues, Thurs - 6:00-7:45PM. MWF - closed. Except when Monday is a holiday, and then they are closed on Tuesday as well (like today). They often enjoy closing on Sundays too.
2. The only friendly guy there after a year is an old Japanese man who wants me to meet his Russian and Romanian girlfriends.
1. Sharks

*Don't mind that the photo looks like it was taken in Mexico*

Family Reunions

2005-10-06T19:20:00.000+09:00

Well, not too many posts ago I was telling you all about my family's trip to Japan. My sister Abby was not able to be a part of that trip. That's because she was going to travel to Japan for the whole month of October, which if you double click on your little digital clock in the bottom right corner of your computer monitor will realize is now. Not only has she safely arrived, but so has my cousin, Jeana. This has been a very extended family reunion - but one I have been really excited about.

They are studying abroad for a semester on a horribly rough trip to China, Japan, Hong Kong, New Zealand, Australia and then just to make matters worse ending in Hawaii for almost a week. I don't know why anyone would ever voluntarily give up a semester of studying in a classroom in Oklahoma to sign up for a trip where you have to actually see, smell, touch, taste the ancient cultures face-to-face, not to mention swimming at world's greatest beaches. They've been gone for a month now and have already seen the great cities of Beijing, Wuhan, and Shanghai in China - having climbed the Great Wall. And Osaka, Hiroshima, Kyoto and Tokyo in Japan. They've also climbed Mt. Fuji - forgetting what the path is for and trailblazing their own one by going straight up the 45 degree incline. And if you've ever climbed Fuji, you know for the sake of killing people by starting volcanic rock rockslides that that's just never done here. I laughed pretty hard when I heard them describing their story.

Well, I'll be updating on what fresh new eyes to Japan have been observing as they are here. It's amazing how much more "normal" Japan and it's cultural differences from America have been becoming to me as my time has gone on.

And with that I'll leave you with what one of my student's lunchtime toothpaste bottles read: Essence Herb Paste: For the good cleaning of your tooth.
Now if a toothpaste is just cleaning your TOOTH, I think it's time to switch brands.

Welcome to the Hood

2005-09-19T21:10:00.000+09:00

My apartment complex in Mito is affectionately called "The Hood" by the AETs (my fellow English teaching friends). When I first moved here, I thought that the name was a little extreme. It's not such a bad place to live. Sure a huge cockroach on the wall invited me in the first night I arrived. Yeah my washing machine sits outside in front of my apartment. Sure I have a big hole in my wall above my air conditioner patched up by a garbage bag and duct tape. And my apartment is small enough that I could actually wash my dishes in my kitchen sink while I am taking a shower (if I really needed to). But really, it's quite nice. I've got AC, satellite TV, a shower with an infinite amount of hot water and a Western style toilet (one you can sit on). It's home to me.

But sometimes I have fun reminders of why it is known as "The Hood". The other night I was sitting ever so peacefully in my apartment watching TV when all of a sudden my whole apartment shook like it was the end of the world. I sat in fear thinking it was a huge quake. This was it - The Big One. The one to end all Japan-kind. My TV stand and dresser were shaking back and forth. I about shot out of my apartment like a cockroach running from the bottom of my shoe. Then I heard a car door slam right outside. As soon as I heard it I realized what had happened. Someone had just backed their car into my apartment wall! It hit so hard, Greg, who lives on the other side of me even wondered what had just happened. I ran outside to see who it was. It just so happened to be someone Greg and I have had a previous run-in with. Our drunk semi-truck driving neighbor who lives upstairs. He walked abruptly from his car and took off in his semi. (When I say semi, I should actually call it a semi-semi. It's a Japanese sized truck. As you can probably tell from the picture an American semi would simply not fit.) Fortunately he was not driving his semi to begin with or I would have had more problems than just my satellite dish getting knocked out of whack.

Our previous run-in: Coming home one night I walked up to Greg and this dude chatting it up outside. I thought, "Oh Greg's always making random new friends". As I walked closer I observed they weren't off to such a great start. The guy had just moved in and began renting a previously unused parking spot for his semi. Greg's girlfriend was over and had parked in his new spot (not knowing it had just been rented). But the trucker wasn't about to have it. Let me tell you - it's hard to reason, or even apologize, to an angry, drunk truck driver who only speaks the kind of Japanese you don't learn in class. Walking up to them so that we had a 2-1 advantage did help. But he kept giving us gestures that universally mean I want to bash your brains in. Knowing we were American he felt the need to try and use the English he did know - his little birdie finger which he kept waving around an inch from our faces. We were disturbed at how poorly he attempted this display of naughty finger usage. We did not feel, however, it was the proper time to show him how to correctly use it; nor apppropriate.

He kept threatening to call the police on us. Looking back we should have gone and given him a phone. Here is a completely wasted truck driver wanting to call the police to tell them we parked in his space while he was driving his semi drunk. Since Japan has 0-alcohol tolerance while driving law I doubt the parking spot would have been the main focus.

That's life in the Japanese Hood.

Taking Applications

2005-09-06T21:15:00.000+09:00

Go to this website and see who should play you in your Hollywood biography.
Who's Your Star Twin?
I tried this with a few pictures of myself during different phases of my life. These are the finalists currently trying out for the parts.

My Normal Phase

1. Jet Li 2. Hercules and 3. Eric Paladino from ER

(Not surprising)

My Redneck Phase

1. Jackie Chan 2. Ashton Kutcher 3. Charles in Charge

(Even as a Redneck I can kick your tail)

My Cinderella Phase

1. Kelly Kapowski 2. Kang Hye-Jeong??? 3. Gina Gershon

(I would definitely go Saved By the Bell here)

Jet Li, Jackie Chan and Hercules would portray my character pretty well. That's no question - maybe even Charles in Charge. What I'm really wondering is why all the Asian look-a-likes? I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so.

Ok, your turn. Try it and tell me who would play you.

You've Been Voted Off the Island

2005-09-05T22:33:00.000+09:00

One of my new pet peeves: Blogsites that temporarily go offline when you press PUBLISH after pouring your heart and soul into a blog. Oh well, take Two:

Survivor has been an immensely popular Reality TV series for many years now. When you think of Reality TV you think of Survivor. The producers are so proud of how they have made such a huge stepping stone in the world of documenting real fake life on TV. However, I must pose a difficult question to you. Unless you are one of those people that spends years of your life writing threads on Survivor Fan Sites, I don't expect you to know the answer. Q: Who's Survivor's daddy? Who's baby did the producers of Survivor steal? A: Europe's own Expedition: Robinson. That's right. This show has been going on for seven seasons now. The show has taken place each year on a couple of small islands off the coast of Johor, Malaysia.

This blog is about three strapping young men. The kind of men you would naturally expect to see on a reality TV show. The kind of guys that get you ratings. Well, the three set off to prove that they could brave all the harsh Equatorial conditions that nature could throw at them - and triumph. They wanted to prove to themselves, their families, those people who called them "Fatty Head" in elementary school and all the other Reality TV junkies out there, that they would succeed. On the island of Palau Besar, Expedition: Robinson 2005 was being filmed. Intense drama emerged between the stars of the show. One by one the evil Polish hotdog salesman, the former Finnish Hockey player, the backstabbing French maid and everyone's buddy the Italian Nasal Plastic Surgeon were being voted off. The filmmakers knew that they had quite a nice piece of TV pizazz awaiting anxious viewers. The clips were a hit in the making. Unfortunately for the three strapping young men, filming for the show ended a week before they arrived. The filmmakers had gone home and were already in the process of editing hours and hours of juicy tape.

Unfortunately for the camera crew, they missed the best part of the action. THE WEEK AFTER... Well, this is no ordinary blog. You, my friend, happen to be viewing THE EXCLUSIVE Behind the Scenes!!! Expedition Robinson: The Week After. Here's some stills from the action.

Three obvious choices for a reality TV show

Just getting there was intense. We flew into a friendly country. The first thing we saw was: "Welcome to Singapore! Warning: Death for Drug Traffickers." That's like picking up the girl of your dreams for a first date, when her dad comes out and says, "Kid, I got no problems going back to prison!"

What's that Peter's got in his mouth???

2005-09-05T22:32:00.000+09:00

Little did they know that Lars wasn't the last one voted off the island

Awaiting the tribal counsel decision

Peter was voted off because he had already learned the local language and was becoming a threat

Travis got island fever and thought he was King Kong.

Sorry to break it to ya guys. It's only a show and the majestic tribal counsel stage is made of, yes...styrofoam!!!

We met 2 Dutch girls who just happened to find the final 3 pages of the script left on the set. The final 3 pages just happened to include the name of the winner of Expedition: Robinson. I think we met ourselves 2 new blackmailing millionaires. Expedition: Robinson Clean Up Crew - You've been voted off the island!

"Surviving" nature's elements

Peter may have lost the war against the elements. This is about three hours before his back learned the power of the Equatorial sun on a back covered in non-waterproof sunblock (it's hard to tell what Japanese sunscreen is waterproof until it's too late.)

For a more complete (and hilarious) overview of the trip check out Peter's blog entry.

Family Vacations

2005-08-29T21:29:00.000+09:00

This is long (if you need to use the restroom, go now). I'm even using small font for this one ~

Until 3 weeks ago, my family had never ventured outside of North America. The first time to travel internationally is an experience that one will never forget. My dad, mom and brother were headed my way. So I hoped they would get as good a feel for life in Japan as one week could possibly allow. I don't know how, but we managed to fit in way more than that. That's vacationing with my family. Work hard, play harder.

Here are a few things uniquely Japanese my family experienced:

Land of Bling Bling - Japan is expensive. Tokyo is the most expensive city in the world. Gas is about $4 a gallon here. Tolls are worse. I went to pick my fam up at the airport. The tolls were over $20 round-trip. I missed the ONE entrance to the parking lot at terminal 1 and could not turn around. I had to exit the airport and take a toll road to the next exit and come back. That missed turn alone and parking cost me an extra $15. My parents said they wouldn't complain about the toll to Denver Int'l Airport anymore.

Land of Contrast - My family thought Japan would be all skyscrapers and people. While Japan is like half of America living in California, only 12% of the land is actually urban (if my memory serves me correctly). The cities are PACKED, but there is still plenty of incredibly scenic countryside.

Land of "No Pain No Gain" - Mt. Fuji is the adventure tourist's mecca. Climbing Fuji was No. 1 on my dad's and Jordan's To-Do list. My mom was happy shopping at a fancy outlet mall nearby while we groaned each step up the mountain. Smart move. The Japanese proverb goes, "A wise man climbs Fuji once, but the fool climbs it twice." This was my second time. It's still a dousy. I was pretty cocky the first time. I was pretty worried the second time. My brother and dad were awesome on Fuji. It took us 6 1/2 hours up the mountain and 3 hours down. My brother is 15 and in good shape. My dad is in good shape, but nagging pains don't help. The final 3 hours up my dad was having serious knee and joint problems. I never see my dad quit anything he starts. This was no different. It was amazing to see him keep trekking. We made it to the top - the summit was barren. Last year, I had to wait an hour in a single-file line to the top. This year, there were 2 other people outside at the top. People who checked the weather channel stayed home. It was rainy and cold at the top. But that's Fuji. And why let a little rough weather keep you from climbing one of the most famous mountains in the world? Props to my dad and Jordan.

Land of Hospitality - Coming back from Fuji we went through Tokyo (the largest metropolis in the world). My lousy maps did not show any streets we were on. We finally stopped at a MiniMart. Their maps are all in kanji (the Japanese picture alphabet that includes thousands of symbols) so reading one is rather difficult. I asked the workers there for some help. All three of them were a little stumped about how to get to the tollway, looking at maps and apologizing profusely. The shoppers got in on the action. There was a guy there who said he was headed that way. He told us to just follow him. Great! Then the Mini-Mart workers, so terribly ashamed that they couldn't help, gave us all ice cream cones on the house. Hey, I may start making a habit of getting lost - or at least go to Mini-Mart WHEN I get lost!

Land of Festivals - The week my family came is called Obon Week. It is a time for Japanese people to remember their past ancestors. My vice principal's husband is part of an int'l group that invites us AETs (english teachers) to attend various Japanese events. My family joined everyone in the Obon Dance competition. This is where I could put my Dance Dance Revolution skills to use. We danced around a stage of judges for 2 hours to the same drumbeat screaming, "Asore!!!". Let me tell you - we rocked this year. We took FIRST PLACE! What did we win you ask? Beer and Tofu. Uniquely Japanese.

Land of Faults - Jordan kept telling me he wanted to feel an earthquake. Another check off his To-Do list. We felt a 30 second long earthquake with a magnitude of 7.2. In Mito, it was a 5+. We're all alive, but if you want to send money to my relief fund...

Land of History - If you come to Japan, check out Nikko's temples and shrines. This may be my favorite place in Japan. You can also see the original Hear, See, Speak No Evil Monkeys. Just don't expect too much from them though. As famous as they are you would never believe they are small carvings on a horse stable. If you are really lucky you may even be attacked by real monkeys. Ask my friend Greg.

Land of Surprises - While we were in a train station bathroom, a lady maid started cleaning the urinal that my brother was currently occupying. Now this happens so regularly that I have officially been cured of my "stage fright", but I still got a good laugh out of this.

Land of Hope - I think one of my family's favorite experiences was seeing the Mito church. God is at work here and is doing incredible things. It is such a blessing to see this one-of-a-kind church every week. It was a good reminder of what God is doing here after seeing my fam's reaction visiting.

Everyone Needs a Namesake

2005-08-25T23:13:00.000+09:00

A few months ago I was clearing out my junk email account. I always use this account when signing up for stuff on the internet. I have another account that is untouched by the wiles and evils of spam and will NEVER be released to the general public. If you have it consider yourself privileged. If you have it and are a spammer then I will hunt you down and send 100's of spams to you daily. And yes, that's a threat. Anyway, if I don't clean it out for a week, I literally have over 1000 spam emails and many more that somehow slip through my spam box into my inbox. Okay, with that way-to-long-to-keep-you-interested-you-immediate-gratification-seeking-blogreader qualifier, I can begin.

As I was profusely deleting, I just happened to read an email subject line, "Denver's a Unique Name". I was very fortunate to catch it. I've been tricked by some of those headlines like, "Hey there!" or "I haven't talked to you in forever!!!" that were sent by some girl. The names are often normal enough I wonder if it was someone I used to know. So occasionally I carefully open them and with a shriek realize I've been tricked. No it's not that girl I used to dream about in high school, it's some dirty spammer who has just now received confirmation that my account is indeed a real one and will now tell his spam community my address so that I may indulge in the generosity of all the spam monsters out there. I figured that since my name was specifically in the subject line, it couldn't be spam. I opened it and this is what it said word for word,

"My husband & I are expecting our first child and we are thinking of naming him Denver, but are unsure. We thought it would be useful to get opinions from people who are actually named Denver, so we performed a people search on Yahoo and came upon your address. Could you please help us out by simply letting us know if you like being named Denver? Any response will be greatly appreciated!"

I took this as a personal challenge. My mission was to get this kid named Denver no matter what it took. I mean how cool is it to have your own namesake, especially if it is someone whom you have no clue whether his parents are billionaires or cultist leaders in Siberia forcing their lost followers to drink Kool-Aid? Most people probably would not have cared enough to have even replied. But I'm proud of my name. Sure, I get called every city name there is, everyday, by every new person I meet. Here is a daily conversation in my life:

Me: "Hey Billy. What's up?"
Every new person I meet: "Hey Chicago! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!"

To have the name Denver, you do have to have a sense of humor. But if you do, what a great conversation piece wherever you go. Once you get past the "Hey Dallas!" joke, you have a conversation waiting to happen. If you're from Colorado, as I am, you have to have twice as much of a sense of humor. I think the name alone helps you develop the sense of humor.

I know that paragraph won't get you lickin' your chops at the name, and including that clause did make it a tougher sell. There are many things that are great about my name. It's never a Top 300 name given to babies. That means you will not just be an average Joe (Hahahahahahahaha!!! - I'm sorry to all you Joe's, I'm sure you never get that joke from every new person you meet). It automatically gives you uniqueness without having an unpronouncable or foreign name. If people call your name out you always know they are talking to or about you (unless of course you live right next to the city Denver - then it's confusing).

I was much more convincing in my reply than this blog. I laid it all on the line. I love my name and I stand behind it. At the bottom of my reply I asked if they would email me if they chose the name. For over a month I could not sleep, tossing and turning every night in anticipation. What would they do? Would they choose Denver, or would they go with one of the Top Ten'ners? The anticipation grew. Finally the day came. There was a golden email in my inbox that day. I opened it and this is what it said,
"Denver Paul* ***** was born on ***** at 11:31am. He was a big boy... Thanks so much for helping us make the decision to name him Denver!"
My own namesake. Even though I got them to name him Denver, I prefer to call him Mini-Me. Maybe one day we can do the Sleepless in Seattle thing and meet on top of the Empire State Building.

* -Not his actual middle name

Mito Komon Festival

2005-08-23T23:30:00.000+09:00

I've been AWOL the last few weeks but I'm back! Whew! I'm still alive and kicking and hopefully do not have Malaysian dengue fever or anything silly like that. Way too much has happened, so I'll do my best posting some of my adventures over the past few weeks.

Every year, the city of Mito has a huge 3 day festival to celebrate the Mito Komon. The Mito Komon, Tokugawa Mitsukun (that's the dude's name), was a big shot shogun in the days of the samarai. He is now best known throughout Japan as the superhero in a long running TV show, very creatively named "MITO KOMON". It's probably a lot like "The Last Samarai" and "Full House" mixed into one show - a lot of exciting samarai altercations with an inspiring life lesson learned for all during the final 5 minutes of the show.

Here are a few pictures from the festival. I'm a frequent point-and-clicker so if you're bored and interested in seeing more go to my website, which has a gazillion (I counted) pictures to keep you thoroughly entertained.

"For the last time, you've had enough squid already! You're gonna be up all night!"

Come here often???

These floats don't have motors

Ever seen a Japanese mosh pit?

My bud Yasu (below not above)

And More...

2005-08-23T23:20:00.000+09:00

I always enjoy a good mullet. This guy is part of the dancing sensation that has swept across Japan. Many very groovy homeboys are in 50's style dance groups (think John Travolta in Grease). They take it very seriously and if you get the chance to see a performance, consider yourself one of the lucky elite. They love to sport the leather jacket and hairstyles I could only dream of having.

Popeye at an early age

Nostril cigarettes are slowly picking up in popularity, but you must first find your size

I really enjoy seeing kids just being kids and having a good time

I'll Be Back...

2005-08-16T12:34:00.000+09:00

All three of you who have read my new blog, don't fret! My parents have been here for a week and when I drop them off at the airport, I'm headed to some exotic island off the coast of Malaysia. I'll have plenty of adventures to write when I get back.

I am writing this after the 7.2 magnitude earthquake hit Japan - and everyone in my family survived. I pulled my brother out from the messy rubble and debris he was trapped under. (Ok, I'm lying. We were shopping and no one was hurt.) You can blame the earthquake on them, because they were the ones who wanted to feel one while they were here. I'm sorry everyone. It's my family's fault.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

2005-08-08T22:37:00.000+09:00

Here's a good story - embarrassing but funny enough to risk my manly reputation to the whole world by posting it on the internet. This question is for any guys reading - Have you ever answered the phone when you were a little kid while the person on the other end asks you if they could speak to your husband? Hopefully that stops by the time you're at least 16. I thought puberty had done a decent enough job on me. But I have shaved my goatee, lost a substantial amount of weight, changed my diet to rice and fish and have altered my voice to a very slow and gentle one so that Japanese people can understand me better. At school I try to come across as non-intimidating as possible, so that my students are not afraid to practice their English with me. That means "genki" - happy, bubbly and all smiles. That carries over to most Japanese people.

Anyway, last Saturday I went to visit a Japanese family. I only knew the lady. Her husband and her mom were also there. The Japanese don't use words like "she", "he", "her", "him", etc. Before I came she had described me to them. For some reason they both automatically assumed "Denver" was a girl. I can accept that because I don't always know what Japanese names are male and female. "Denver" is just an odd name anyway. Well, I was at their house for over 2 hours as we talked and had tea and snacks. I was my usual super slow-talking, gentle-voiced self and had a great time. Her mom even showed me around their new house. Well, today, I found out some awful truth. The WHOLE time, her mom couldn't figure out if I were a man or a woman. TWO hours and she didn't know! I've been in denial about this all day - and I still am. This hasn't happened to me since I was 8 talking on the phone. So while I'm out catching grizzlies and gutting them with my bare hands, tell me have I been exerting estrogen or something lately? Maybe it was my purple rainsuit.

Mu...mu...mu...My Corona

2005-08-08T21:56:00.000+09:00

Great news! I got a new car!!! And for free!!! This isn't the junker car you might expect if someone were to just give you a car. No, no, no - This is by far the nicest car I've ever owned. It's a Toyota Corona EXIV (that's Japanese for "You lucky dawg" - loosely translated). It's a '96, but my school nurse, who so generously gave it to me, took very good care of it. It's practically in mint condition. This is Japanese hospitality - they even waxed it and got the tail light fixed before they gave it to me. She also left her awesome stereo system in as well. It's even got a remote. This is a step up from my purple rainsuit and scooter. Lately God has just been overwhelming me in so many ways with His goodness.

I had previously told my school secretary to look out for a car if she saw any being sold for a good price because I might be interested in buying one. Well, she knew what a good price was. My school nurse just happened to mention to my secretary that she was going to return it to the dealer. In Japan, it is a common practice to give you car back to the dealer when you get a new car. It's not a trade-in and you get money back society. The dealer will simply give you peace of mind by "taking it off your hands " free of charge so you don't have to worry about it or any of the paperwork involved. It took us a week and a half of paperwork and errands, but it was worth it! I think the dealer was a little hacked when she retracted and gave it to me. But hey, I'm cool with it!
So if any of y'all need a ride, you can cruise around with me - and I'm not talking Dumb-and-Dumber-back-of-the-scooter-while-getting-splashed-by-other-cars-as-they-drive-over-puddles anymore.

Brownberries and Blue-Eyed Peas

2005-08-05T00:03:00.000+09:00

I'm colorblind. Being colorblind is actually pretty cool. If I go to work and my clothes don't match, people may start laughing at me. But as soon as I say, "Thanks guys, I'm colorblind," the problem is all of a sudden theirs because they've been laughing at my disability. If you are in kindergarten, it is also pretty cool. You don't have to study for that test on colors. If you flunk it you can just bring in a doctor's note about your disability. And if you're savvy enough at that age you can even complain about the psychological trauma that kind of unfair testing has caused you. This will get you that undeserved "A" as well as a sucker or maybe even stickers.

Colorblindness doesn't mean I can't see all colors, I just have problems with certain ones that aren't so clear. Some of the colors I get mixed up are blue/purple, green/brown, and gray/pink. Yes, this can be cause for embarrassing mishaps if you are not careful. For instance, one time I'd packed for church camp and we were on our way. My friend Luke asked me, "Why do you always use that pink pillowcase everytime we go out anywhere???" I told him, "Dude, it's gray! Sheesh!" He said, "No, it's pink." Everyone agreed with him. Well in my world it was gray. Don't you wish you could see my world?
Here's another great one that I'm still paying for. I moved to Japan one year ago. I got my Japanese driver's license here and bought a scooter from my friend Greg. I don't know what you Americans back home think about mopeds, but if you live in Japan and drive a scooter you are the coolest thing since Vanilla Ice (that means you're pretty cool). Anyway, one day I came to school during typhoon season and it was pouring rain. I came in soaked. The teachers felt bad for me, so one took me to go buy a rainsuit. This teacher is great and has been incredibly helpful to me during my stay in Japan. Anytime I need something, she is there. So, we went and found a nice selection of rainsuits. We decided I should go for one I thought was blue. She liked it a lot and said it goes well with me. So I wore it proudly on all the rainy days until one day I second guessed it. I asked my friend Peter, "What color is this?" "Purple. Why did you buy a purple rainsuit anyway?" Well, it cost me $35 so I still proudly wear it on those rainy days. But anytime people start laughing at me, I just look at them and say, "Thanks guys, I'm colorblind," and they feel awful.

Gigapets Just Didn't Make the Cut

2005-08-04T13:41:00.000+09:00

I've always been one for making sure fads are for real before I get sucked into them. So I wait them out to see if they pass the durability test. For example, a long time ago when baggy clothes came into style I waited until they were on the verge of being out of style before I started buying them. (Actually it was because I detest shopping - but play along please). By the time I had a wardrobe of huge shirts and jeans large enough to walk in without any visible sight of leg movement, everyone was back in tight jeans and pink shirts. I have serious fears of this pink shirt fad though and I'll explain more in my next post. That one's gonna have to pass my toughest durability test, and there's no chance because I'm biased.

So here's to BLOGS - they have now successfully graduated from the rigorous Denver School of Fad Durability. I am proclaiming that on this day, August 3rd, 2005, blogs everywhere now have the official Denver Seal of Approval and are now seen as a legitimate fad in which every lazy web surfer must pay their due respect. (I would also like to thank Google and Microsoft Paint for helping in the creation of the award.) Blogs are now deemed a worthy and heralded fad alongside
all-time greats such as the Pogo Ball, the Atkins Diet and mullets.